Remembering

Thoughts

I remember, there was a time when I wished time would go faster because there was nothing that I could do at that moment. There was nothing that I wanted to do, there was nothing I felt motivated for. I binge watched TV shows not to relax, but to have something to do. I wrote pages and pages of excessive and misplaced emotions in diaries that are now crushed into pulps. I talked to people that I shouldn't simply because I was bored. When I think about that now, I feel a deep sense of gratitude coming from within me for where I am now. Alhamdulillah, I have absolutely no free time to kill. I was given the opportunity to go to Hajj this year (which deserves a post of its own), but after I came back, I could see the effects. I could see myself being more confident, solid. Something I haven't felt for a while. I could feel the effects of 'La Hawla Wa La Quwwata Illa Billah' again. And I really, really wish every single person could feel it, or at least, everyone I love. The pain of loneliness, boredom and ingratitude is worse than the pains that pierce you outside while your heart is at rest.