I love going through my old posts and picking up little wisdoms. We all have certain strengths and weaknesses, and they stay fairly similar throughout our lives. We can have personal growths and change those, but in general, whatever one person struggles with, they will always somewhat struggle with it. For example, I generally consider boundaries to be arbitrary. So, due dates are arbitrary and "mess" isn't bothersome. So, time management and being organised are amongst my biggest struggles. But, I have taken steps, over and over again, to change those traits in me. And they've worked! The trick is to keep at it. So, I like going through my own writing because it shows me how I've dealt with my difficulties in the past. When Allah gives us a test, He also gives us tools to pass it. Sometimes, I forget what tools I have, or how to use them. So, it helps to remind myself how I've done it before.
One thing that is currently bothering me is that I am running away from one particular piece of work. Its a very tiny bit of work, but every time I think about it, I feel stressed out. Reason is, I ran away from it for so long that now I don't even want to face the person for whom I need to do this. And I literally have no excuses. I can come up with a few I suppose, but I hate it when people blow excuses out of proportion, and I hate doing things that I hate in other people. (I just remembered a few other things that I have to do that are of similar nature... sigh.) So, more than the work, what is bothering me is the fact that I am annoying those people with my lack of action. So, I am procrastinating from it even more, which makes no sense.
I have been very obsessed with Myers-Brigg personality types. I've read up on them so much that now I love guessing people's types, because I generally get them right. They are useful because they let you understand people a little more. But, it stops being useful when you start giving excuses for shortcomings and do nothing about them. First step for fixing anything up is recognition, but you need to make sure you move onto the second step as soon as possible.
Little Z is growing up quite fast. Now she tries to crawl. I'm watching her try very hard to get to a block that she threw a little too far, but she just can't herself off her bottom! So she's rocking back and forth and moving her arms and legs, as if she's willing the block to come to her... lol. I remember her as the tiny thing wrapped in a blanket who just needed a little bit of humming and patting to fall asleep. I remember watching her sleep and wishing she'd wake up so I could play with her. Now, she loves playing so much that she doesn't want to fall asleep! I love singing meaningless songs and dancing around with her in my arms. I love taking her out on an impulse. I love having little relaxing sessions in the backyard, with our pillows and nasheeds, and the blue sky and a soft breeze. I love the way she trusts me to catch her when I throw her up in the air. I love the way she knows she's safe when she's in my arms, so if she's crying, I can pick her up and comfort her. May Allah keep her safe, both in this world and in the next.
OKAY. Time to go and make one of those lists.
