Much Ado About Something

'B' is right again. I am in dire need of fixing up my priorities. I am not a person who's hardest struggle is to keep them alive, or someone who has reasons to be depressed. All my basic needs are fullfilled and some more, yet I am not using all the opportunities I am getting. My life feels like a jigsaw puzzle that has been tipped upside down. I need to get all the pieces and put them in their right spots. I need to stop spending so much time on the net, because, clearly, its not helping me or any others; instead, I need to focus on the reality. The reality happens to be exactly one hundred and fifty eight days away. These days will pass in the blink of an eye and I would not even realise, just like everything else.
I realised that everyone else thinks I study a lot. I was pretty surprised, because, to me, it seems that I do not study at all. Then I realised that its because I am so disorganised that the times that I do study do not amount to anything in the end. But to people who only see me when I am studying or motivated, it seems that I study all the time. If this keeps on going, I would be a loser (in the original sense) both ways.
The only problem is, I don't know how to fix me.
Maybe I should be one of those people who stuff up their HSC and then tell everyone else how not to stuff up. I think they get a lot of money if they are lucky. I wouldn't even have to work hard to do that - it'll all come very naturally!
I noticed that I am having conversations with myself in my head. A part of me tells me to forget about what everyone says and just to get back to the task in hand because that will atleast push me a little forward instead of pushing me back or keeping myself stationary. Another part butts in with a thousand 'what if?'s. I think its a product of watching too much House.
I am also very confused all the time. There should be a device where you can tip your brain out, get it fixed, then pick it up and place it back in its spot. If the jigsaw puzzle fits right, there is nothing else to worry about. An organised less talented person goes further in life than a disorganised talented person.
So here goes the first step:
I will not post again before 5th November 2009. My wisdoms should be channelled towards myself for a little while.

^ dates

There is about five months to go before my life takes a turn and I can already feel it getting nervous. There are so many possibilities in front that its not exactly sure what to do. I started daydreaming about those after-HSC times long ago but the time before that is seeming more and more real. I have only two sets of school assessments to go before the final moment arrives!

I figured out why I want to do medicine. It will give me a very fulfilling career and it provides job security. Therefore, I can have a fulfilling career my whole life, if I am not unlucky. When I am about 45/50, I can go back to Bangladesh and work in a village for free. Before that, I can save up enough money to life a comfortable life and help people with my money too. I don't want to feel like I have wasted my life when I look back. I want to feel like I have contributed at least a little to the world.

We went to a career expo today, where representatives from various universities try to sell their courses as 'the best'. I added Bond University to my list of potentials, along with the ten others that I have thought of before. At times, it feels like the process would be a sinch! And most other times, I don't believe I can get there. Maybe this is driving me crazy. I must be acting very weird lately. 'A' asked me if I wanted to commit suicide. It made me laugh.

I talked to 'H' after a long time today and shared the stress of economics. I see 'O' at the bus stop sometimes, I've also seen Ange a few times. But I have no idea what happened to Karishma. Conclusion: HSC vanishes people.

I have no idea what I wanted to talk about or what I am talking about. I think the coffee that I have about seven hours ago is still working its way through my body. I am feeling extra jittery today.

I texted choto mami and 'K' bhaiya last night. None of them texted back. I think my skills in phone-tennis is deteriorating. I can't even win one whole game any more! Minesweeper started to annoy me too.

I am getting my reports next week. Maybe thats another reason for feeling so jittery, even though I know my rankings already. Chemistry made me laugh. I am at the top of the list if you turn it upside down.
And I deactivated facebook! :D

I am running out of updates. My life is very boring right now.