Scattered updates

 Its a sunny Saturday morning. The older girls are playing in the living room. I'm writing this from our bedroom while the little one watches on. We had a morning of cleaning, singing and dancing to nasheeds, hot chocolate and coffee and cleaning. I started full time teaching just over two months ago. I had no plans to, but circumstances called for it. I was scared of stepping into this because I felt like I was already at capacity with my energy - with three kids at home (one still breastfed) and my weekend commitments. 

I started to practise a few things from the sunnah and I can see a visible difference in my energy.

“Keep your tongue moist with the remembrance of Allah.” (Sahih Tirdmidhi)

I started to busy myself with dhikr whenever I have found a dip in energy or I felt out of depth (and this has happened many times over the past two months). This is a reminder to myself to continue this.

We have had some other tests crop up on us. The only way to get through life and these tests is to build spiritual resilience. The way to build spiritual resilience is through prayer and dhikr. 

I've been meaning to keep writing the book. And to keep developing our travel blog. Hasn't happened, but one can hope that it will, someday.

On my mind

I wrote this just over a week ago:

We are entering the last week of Ramadan soon. M is fasting a few days this year. I find it hard to believe myself that my first-born is almost eight years old now. I remember when I was eight. She is a complete human being with her own thoughts, emotions and a mind. Its mindboggling for me even now! A tries to copy her in many things, but she has a mind of her own as well. She is a strong headed girl with a soft heart. And Baby Z - she is a complete delight. She is a kisseable bundle of joy who makes all of our days better. This Ramadan has rushed past with the three of them at home, my new job, trying to handle life and myself. But this Ramadan has also been heavy as I scroll through the photos and videos coming out of Palestine. Just the other day, I saw a photo of a baby girl, who was murdered. She must've been the same age as Z as her toes looked like Z's size. Every time I close my eyes I see those toes. I can't fathom how her mother is feeling, or even whether she is alive right now, or whether she was murdered as well. 

And now, the day after Eid, it doesn't feel any better. I read about a Gaza doctor who was cutting off new clothes from dead children's bodies, on Eid day, because they were killed by IDF. I saw a video of an elderly man who started to cry after seeing someone he loves in a body bag, on Eid day. 

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. 

Growing

 The kids are asleep.

The older two can:

- Play by themselves and together.

- Eat independently.

- Shower and clean themselves (middle one is almost independent)

They are both going to be in school 5 days a week this year. 

I still remember when M was born. I remember when A was born. How are they both in school already? 

They sleep next to each other in their room.

I looked forward to these days for so long, and alhamdulillah, they are here now.