Saturday, June 16, 2012


So a few nights ago, at around 12.30 AM, I began cleaning my room. I cleaned out my entire cupboard - got rid of clothes that I forgot existed (or wished to forget!), arranged the remaining clothes, soft toys and handbags in a conventional feminine manner. I cleaned out my entire bookshelf, chucking out a whole lot of papers. I cleaned out my jewellery, wiping everything down. I was very proud of my achievement (and still am), yet, I realised, it still looked 'messy' to outsiders. To me, it looked perfectly fine, because the major furnitures in my room were neat and tidy. But I still have some books on my bed, some on the floor, pens here and there, a coffee cup and some clothes and a handbag on the chair. This does not bother me, because I know exactly where everything is, and I still have enough space to live comfortably. This is when I realised, I can never live in complete and utter neatness. To me, the way things are right now, seems to be where they should be - I am aware of everything that is happening in this space. If I took a bit more time in cleaning it further, and cleaning every single day, it would seem neat to everyone else too. But, to me, that doesn't matter. Because this is my space.

My point is, I realised, I like the general ideas of things rather than details. I have a general idea of how my life should be and how its going. I have a general idea about the person that I am. The moment I start thinking about specifics is the moment I feel stressed out. But this makes sense to me, because, specifics change constantly. General ideas usually remain the same. So, in making decisions, I would make sure that there's in nothing wrong in an overall sense, rather than, looking at the decision in detail and trying to figure out if there is a possibility of something going wrong. And I like doing this, because, it allows me to live a simple and happy life.

One beautiful idea BDR was talking about the other day was - every single communication that you have causes chemical changes in your brain, thus, affecting your emotions, whether it be in a tiny way or a huge way. Physical communication is of course the type that causes the greatest amount of change, however, even exchange of words through typing can cause it. So, its very very unlikely, that the way that you are at the beginning of a conversation, is the way that you remain at the end of it. I think this is why I love communicating. I love talking to people, because, they change me a little by little.

One concept I talked about a few posts back was about not letting people into your hearts. After a friend pointed out the flaw with that concept, I realised, it is indeed flawed. It is a defence mechanism that you set up in order to not hurt yourself. Which, if you think about it, is fair enough. We are wired to protect ourselves in any way we can and this is one of the ways we would do so. However, I realised that there is a better way to create a balance between your interactions with people and your position with yourself. "Be with the Real without creation. Be with creation without your ego." (Jilani). When you talk to interact with people, open your mind completely so that your ego does not get in the way. If something is pointed out to you that's flawed, accept it. See things as it is. Most importantly, never stop interacting with people. We were created to be social, and thus, losing parts of it would mean losing the balance that was meant for us. But at the same time, when you are with the Real, alone with your Creator, with God, just your mind and Him, be truthful. Be completely and utterly truthful and sort things out with Him, without letting any creation enter in that interaction. Make sure things make sense to yourself. Don't let someone else's idea cloud yours if it doesn't make sense to you. However, don't reject it if it does.

This all makes sense in my head, and I felt the need of writing it down just in case it makes sense in someone else's. Also, I was reading my past posts, and I realised, there are many lessons that I have learnt in the past that I forgot. When this is written in this space, it allows me to re-learn them every now and then.

One lesson that I re-learned in the past few days, is this: "But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not." (2:216) There were times in my life when I thought, why me? Why, even after trying so hard, am I failing? I made dua, I tried my best, I invested all of my emotions into one particular task, and I still failed. Over and over again. it got to a point where I was averse to the idea of it altogether. And then I finally passed that worldly test. Then I had an accident which could have been much worse than it was. And it seems like all those times that I hated the fact that I failed, maybe, the sadness I felt in my heart, and the duas, maybe all of them added together and reduced the impact of this. The accident could have affected me in such a way that I would have to suffer my entire life. But, it seems as if I almost don't have to suffer.

Never, ever underestimate the power of asking God. God ALWAYS answers. If you ask God, without associating any partners, if you ask Him appealing to the Being that He is, be certain that it'll be answered. It'll be answered in one of three ways - it may be given to you immediately, a calamity would be removed from you, you will be rewarded in the Hereafter.

I guess what I am trying to say is, we can only do as much as we can. We do as much as we can through our actions and dua. And the results are up to Allah. But we should have full faith on the fact that Allah will utterly and completely reward us for every good action that we do and every dua that we make.

So, in summary:
1. Have a general idea of how your life will develop rather than details.
2. Have a balance between interaction with people and interaction with God/alone time.
3. Know that life, at the end of the day, is quite fair. 

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