Hatin' on people

When I was in year 12, I wrote a blog post called '6 things I hate about you', listing qualities that I absolutely hate. So, lately, certain things about certain people are bothering me. It seemed to me that what they say is not entirely what they think. Or, maybe, what they are saying is not yet what they are thinking, but they are trying to adopt a certain way of thinking, and attempting to do so by saying things that align to that particular way. This is absolutely fine. In fact, I oppose the idea of saying everything you're thinking to every single person. The reason is, not everyone knows the person that you are, they only know you through the 'window that you open to them' (quoting Apuni). Thus, if the first window that you open to them shows something extremely negative, they will have trouble digesting it, and it will shadow subsequent thoughts about you.

When you open more and more windows, they begin to see more and more bits of you. Thus, the more you open, the more they know 'you'. What bothers me is when you think you know a person, because you think they have opened up lots of windows, but they really haven't. They just pretended that some of those windows never existed. The natural thing to do is, when you know someone is opening up windows, you would open yours too. So, when you realise that while you have been showing all of 'you' to someone, they have been showing none of themselves, it has an elastic effect. You begin to shut down your windows.

Going back to that list of 6 things - I guess I still hate hypocrisy the absolute most.

'Nother Epiphany

If I want to do something, I cannot wait till the future to do it. I cannot wait for chances to work themselves out - I must create them.

I shall zen-fy my room as much as possible, as soon as possible. Who needs an apartment when you can live for free - with the people you love, with food, clothing, warmth etc - in a place overlooking the Blue Mountains?

(PS: By zen-fying, I mean de-cluttering. Just googled what zen rooms look like - and some of them aren't what I would say de-cluttered is. So, let me rephrase - I shall de-clutter my room as much as possible, as soon as possible.)

Sleep, food and philosophy of life

I have figured out the root of all my problems. Whether my day would be awesome or horrible is determined by whether I am tired or not. That is, more or less, determined by the amount of sleep I have. When I wake up early, I tend to get more things done and I tend to be my happy chappy self, which in turn feed into each other. Hence, I must wake up early. Therefore, the amount of sleep I have is determined by my bedtime. Therefore, going to bed late is the root of all my problems.

I just had an amazing mug of mocha. I took a few teaspoons of Lindt hot chocolate flakes (a gift from SB - cannot thank him enough!), one teaspoon of cheap coffee (although it claims to be 'gourmet' on its tin), a mug of milk and whipped cream - and created magic! That, along with the thought that 'I have figured out the root of all my problems', has lessened my dampened spirit a little. The secret of un-dampening your spirit is to spill all your thoughts in some way (I prefer to do so in writing), put them in their respective categories, sort out the ones that aren't making sense, decide what to do next, and get on with your life.

Ramadan was quite okay in terms of balance. However, the last few days have been horrible - every skill I supposedly gained/maintained throughout the month seemed to have gone down the drain. This made me realise yet again that we cannot ever think we've accomplished something. Yes, we must recognise it when we have made an improvement, or know we have done something right. Then we must thank God for making us able to do it, because, nothing can be done without Him. Every single step of our life is guided by Him.

Amongst the many practices I love in Islam, one of them is dhikr. 'Dhikr' can be loosely translated to 'remembrance' - these are words that you repeat over and over again in your mind or out loud. The reason why I love it is because, although they are words that you utter with your tongue, when used properly, they have the power to change your attitude, give you peace and strength. These things then give you that extra push to do what is right and eventually get you where you want to be. One of the dhikrs I love is 'la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah'. Arabic is such a rich language that it cannot be translated and done justice to. So, one article I've read broke it down in this way:

The phrase may be translated word-by-word as:

lâ = no, not, none, neither
hawla = change, alteration, transformation, movement, motion
wa = and
lâ = no, not, none, neither
quwwata = strength, power, potency, force, might, vigor
illâ = but, except, if not
bi = with, to, for, in, through, by means of
Allâh = Arabic name for the Supreme Being

So basically, it means, there is no change/transformation/progress/power/strength/might except through Allah. I love this concept. When internalised properly, it brings your feet right back to the ground. It also prevents one from preventing oneself from trying to reach high in order to stay humbled. Because, at the end of the day, every thought and action of yours, every opportunity, every moment that is good is from Him.

So in summary - keep climbing those steps. If you stumble, its okay. Figure out what went wrong, fix it, then keep going. If you find yourself feeling like you've climbed a great number of steps, look up and you'll see how much more is left. If you find yourself feeling like you haven't climbed enough, look down and you'll see you've come a long way. And thank God for allowing you to keep your balance while climbing.

Stay Beautiful

I heard this song recently, and I really liked the lyrics. Quite a few people came to my mind when I heard it. I am surrounded by beautiful people. :)

Corey's eyes are like a jungle

He smiles, it's like the radio
He whispers songs into my window
In words that nobody knows

There's pretty girls on every corner
That watch him as he's walking home
Saying, does he know
Will you ever know?

You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone

And when you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful

Corey finds another way to be
The highlight of my day
I'm taking pictures with my mind
So I can save 'em for a rainy day

It's hard to make a conversation
When he's taking my breath away
I should say
'Hey, by the way'

You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone

And when you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful

If you and I are a story
That never gets told
If what you are is a daydream
I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know

You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone

And when you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
Oh, but if it don't

Will you stay beautiful
A beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful
A beautiful, beautiful?

Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful
Stay beautiful

xD

A friend's fiance once dubbed me 'Dramia' - my life is filled with drama, apparently. I didn't understand it back then, because to me, it seemed like everyone else's life was filled with drama, and mine's a tad bland. Since I cannot relate to the people who undergo drama, I always find them amusing. There have been incidences when I had to force myself to walk away from a certain place in order to not burst out with laughter, which would have caused a great deal of offence to the people involved. Only recently have I realised my relationship with 'drama' - I dramatise things even though they are not meant to be such. In retrospect, I realise my actions are cringe-worthy to the point where I would like to forget about them. For eternity. But since I cannot, after a considerable time has passed, I laugh at my own actions too and shake my head at how silly I was.

Time has gone so fast this year! B2 came to Australia some time in February, nanu came in March, I turned 21 in April, got my Ps, went on driving rampages and crashed the car in the next two months or so, little Z was born in June, dramas occurred, friendships broken and made, experiments with life, work, studies, emotions happened. And then Ramadan came. Alhamdulillah, Ramadan is going sort of as planned. I think, as long as the main purpose is served, and you come out of a certain period of time/experience with some life lessons, it is worth it, even though things may not be going perfectly according to plan.

Eid is about a week away. I have already decided what I shall wear, but I just need to fix it up inshaallah. My mother would be very happy that I decided to touch the sewing machine. Although, I am not sure whether I should risk putting my beautiful dress through the dodgy machine we have at home, or whether I should gulp down my embarrassment and take it to someone else's house. I do feel pretty excited - I haven't quite 'dressed up' nor 'accessorised' in a while, and it would be a good break from being an adult. Celebrations always makes me feel a little crazy. I remember, during a picnic after Eid (last year?), Sum made me run through some water fountains with the other little kids. Then we sat in the sun and dried ourselves out as much as we could, which wasn't much in my case. I had a dinner invite right after... not a pleasant sight for them I suppose!

I have had a cold for so long, I can't even remember what its like to have a clear nose. I remember, once upon a time, I used to stay completely sickness-less for months and months, and I would miss being sick, because it meant I get to miss out on school. Now that my commitments have changed exponentially, trying to stay in bed would mean missing out on my own life, which I like. :( Must. Do. Something. About. Nose. Tea isn't helping all that much, and tissues seem to hate my face. Speaking of tea - I stayed without coffee for the first 15 days of Ramadan! And then I had a relapse in which I drank a large cappuccino from Gloria Jeans, a size that was beyond my abilities even in my addiction days. But alhamdulillah, I am beginning to recover slowly. I  bought really cheap coffee, which probably has very little caffeine in it, and I am drinking it every 2-3 days, instead of every single day. And I am not entirely dependent on it even during the days I do drink it. Alhamdulillah. :)

5 things I admire about my mother

1. She's very organised.

My mother is exactly the opposite of me in this respect. She knows exactly how much her plate can hold and won't sign up for any more than that. Whenever she takes responsibility for something, she makes sure she tries her best to do the job up to scratch. She manages her time quite well, and yes, there are a few secrets to it that I have discovered, but yet to master. For example, she starts her day by praying tahajjud every single day. She cries her eyes out to the only Being that can help her and pours her heart out to Him. Then she reads and studies the Quran, then takes a little bit of a rest before getting up for work. She has a healthy breakfast before work and takes healthy food for recess and lunch. Working with kids mean that she has to walk around the entire day. When she comes home, she cooks, or cleans, or makes some phone calls, or works on her school chores. She goes to bed around 10 pm if she can.  Even if she procrastinates a little about some things, she makes sure she gets back on the horse before its too late. 

2. She's very consistent in her good deeds. 

I don't know how she does it without getting bored, but there are some set things that she never lets go of. Tahajjud, studying Quran for a certain amount of time, all the compulsory prayers in their times, reciting morning and evening dhikrs and reciting suratul Ya-sin before going to bed. I asked my mum whether she gets bored, and she said she doesn't. I cannot understand how anyone can stick to anything for that long (she has been practising a lot of these for as long as she came to know about them). 

3. She's still one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. 

When I was little, I used to think she is the prettiest lady on the planet. As I grew up, I saw other pretty ladies and realised my mum isn't exactly miss universe. However, even to this day, my mum is one of the most beautiful women I have ever come across. She has a physique that I have always wanted, but probably never will have. Her balanced lifestyle also means that she is fitter than the average bengali woman in her late forties. 

4. She usually has quite practical ideas about life. 

A part of my mum liked to dream about little things, like me, for example - she always wanted a little red car. She also used to talk about going on a world trip, just her and her husband, after all her kids have grown up and started to live independently. During full moon, she opens her curtains as wide as possible, and sings a really old song, with nostalgia in her voice. However, when it comes to making serious decisions, my mum is probably one of the most practical ones at home. Her experiences has sort of pushed her to see the downside of life at times, but it helps. Most of the predictions she makes somehow comes true. As opposed to her, my life plans usually don't seem to work out. :(

5. She is one of those people that tries to seem quite tough, but inside, they are sweet and soft-hearted.