Weddings have the potential to give one of two experiences - the time of your life or absolute boredom. When I know some of the guests well, it usually is wonderful. Everything becomes exciting - getting dressed, walking around in heels, taking photos, and of course, the food. If I know the bride and/or groom well enough, the speeches and slideshows are also fun to watch. The last few weddings I have been to have lived up to the expectation of providing the first experience. However, there was this one wedding, sometime last year, which made me look at bengali weddings from a completely different perspective.
I went there from another event, so, I was not as dressed up as I would usually be. I didn't know the bride and/or groom at all, neither did I know any guests well enough. I remember feeling like a complete outsider as soon as I walked in. All the girls looked exactly the same - similar make up, hair and clothes. Everyone had polite smiles on their faces. They looked approvingly at everything that they resemble and disapprovingly at anything they didn't. I resorted to the good old fiddling with phone technique to avoid awkward interactions. The slideshows and speeches seemed very generic and cliched. By the end of the night, I literally felt suffocated by how hard they tried to maintain certain social expectations and how satisfied people felt at knowing that it was maintained well.
I think, the difference between the two types of weddings were whether they were able to make the guests laugh or smile with their eyes, or whether they forced a smile onto their lips. The difference was in how real the enjoyment was. I suppose its hard to cater for real enjoyment in weddings of people (read - parents of bride and groom) who know a whole lot of people from different walks of life. So, at the end of the day, its about how much you care about other people's perceptions of you (and how much you can afford to not care!).
Three of my friends will probably get married sometime in the near future. It hit me quite suddenly this morning - they are all pretty amazing people. They have depth in character, have adopting/is adopting the attitude of learning from life, are not pretentious, somewhat to great problem solvers. All of them, at one point or another, have gotten on my nerves. But, somehow, things worked out well and them and I have grown closer through the problems we have faced. What I also realised is, the counterparts of these people also have quite amazing personalities. Its exciting to see how the future will unfold.
A friend of mine recently had her twenty first. She invited quite a few girls to a restaurant. We got her some pretty cool gifts too, things that made her laugh and want to cry at the same time. I really enjoyed myself when I was there - the company of the girls, the jokes, the food, silly photos. Of course, there were people that I did not know too well. But, I still felt relaxed and was able to be myself. I think, most of the guests there felt the same. What was interesting was, when we posted the photos, people who were not there were able to tell how much fun we all had. More interestingly, I have been trying to organise some sort of meet up for some of the girls for a while. It never ended up happening, due to life, lack of motivation etc. But the amount of fun we had was a catalyst for those to wish to have a meet up. This made me realise that, sometimes, its important to show an example of how things can be, rather than trying to logically explain.
The reason why I want some of these girls to meet each other is because having a group of amazing individuals is usually better than having scattered amazing individuals. Sometimes, life gets to us in ways that make us buckle our knees. Yet, we feel that we cannot buckle because others are watching us stand up straight. And if we buckle, we would be letting them down. When there is a tight group of support, its easier to stand up straight together. And when someone does fall, its easier to pick her up, than when she's by herself and falls alone.
In other news, I came across this blog while browsing. There was one post that I could relate to quite well - "If you ever find yourself looking at someone and thinking, 'you care too much', don't say it to them. Instead, tell them you love them, and you're luckier than hell that they crossed path with your life." I feel like this about my mum and my sister. It makes me wonder how they can care as much as they do.
In other, other news, I like Lisa Mitchell's lyrics. NS gave me Neopolitan Dreams a few nights ago. Its about a person who misses another person, so she describes the second person. It reminds me of a couple who needs to be separated for a little while. In the process of which, the girl starts to think that she isn't his first priority, but tells herself to accept it anyway. I liked it because this is the sentiment shared by most of the girls I have seen in relationships from time to time.
She has another song called 'Time means nothing at all'.
Do you know that I spend my days walking the streets and lanes
Looking through window panes
And out of quaint cafes
Me and myself - we have an ongoing war
There is an ongoing love affair
Given up keeping score.
Well I hope that we find each other before I lose myself
I hope that you get to me before my own worth
Time means nothing at all
Our minds are stronger than we give them credit for.