A friend of mine has recently been reminding of how I was like a few years back. Not sure whether funny or tragic, but I honestly cannot remember how to be like that version of me. In fact, I probably am so confused about myself right now, that at this point, I don't know how to be any version of anyone. But, MM said something to me the other day - if you can free yourself of labels, you will realise that those labels don't define you. You don't have to be a particular way in order to be yourself. But in saying that, if you have no sense of standards, you begin to lose yourself. Its a hard balance to strike.
Speaking of striking a balance between things - figuring out just how much to care about what people say. You need to care about it a particular amount if you want to live in a civilised society, but you cannot care about it too much if you want to be yourself. The solution is to stick to your values like a parasite. I wish I could, though. Sometimes, I feel like I have everything figured out. I know exactly what I am doing and exactly how to do it. And then, there are times like these, when I try to get back on the horse, but I keep falling off.
I just watched a movie called Silver Lining Playbook. Its about two people with psychological disorders trying to keep going with their lives. In their heads, whatever they are doing and going through are perfectly logical. They feel like everyone else is living a lie and they are the ones who are completely honest with themselves. Most people treat them differently - with fear and confusion. It made me think - we all have a certain amount of 'craziness' within ourselves. Its only diagnosed as a disorder when it impedes daily life or harms the society in some way. It also reminded me of this quote: We're all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. So basically, two ideas: the fact that characteristics are in a continuum and we all lie somewhere in them, its only when you are too far into the continuum of a few chosen ones that you are considered to have a disorder. And love.
I don't think my crazy side has seen daylight with anyone or anything except for some diary pages. But, if I had to choose a person who knows that side of me the most, it would be my sisters. I think I scare her sometimes. I don't think its such a bad thing to hide away most of one's craziness. It gets in the way of living as a sensible, responsible global citizen. :)