Matrices

A few days ago, a facebook friend posted a report about a political injustice happening in Bangladesh. Then another friend of his and I had a facebook fight about the legitimacy of reports etc, with him believing a lot of the bs that bengali media throws out, and me trying to prove my point that they are indeed a load of bs. At one point, he questioned my premise of 'truth' quite mockingly - "How do we know what truth is? Maybe we're living in a matrix?" Interestingly, even though he was joking, it has an element of truth in it. What IS the truth and how do we know it? What if your perception of the truth isn't really truth?

The way we know what truth is is through our inherent ability to understand logic. And truth is what we believe to be true, right? So, I say that I logically believe in one All Powerful Being - Allah. (P.S: Ask me what the logic is next time you see me. :P). And everything else that I 'believe' flows from that one logical belief. Which makes sense, because people who 'believe' in modern science only, thinks that whatever you can perceive with your physical senses are 'truth' -- that is their starting point of their logic, and every other belief flows from that.

Anyway, so, from my belief, I know that everything- everything in life is a test and/or a blessing. So, in essence, we might actually be living in something like a matrix. In relation to me, everything else is a test/blessing. So, everything else is part of the matrix. In relation to you, I am a part of it. However I treat you is not controlled by you, so if you think of me as just another part of a matrix, then all you need to do is figure out how you should treat me, and vice versa. The catch is to not take this metaphor too far and actually believe that its okay to jump off a roof because you can bend a spoon, because they aren't really there. :P

Tying camels and burning bridges

I was quite excited for Ramadan to begin this year. I am experimenting with a few things this year and so I am interested in seeing what the results will be at the end of the month. There are a few really useful tools by ProductiveRamadan which helps in keeping plans and reviews structured. I know it has only been four days so far, but I think I've already decided that I'll use the taskinator even after Ramadan. The other reason why I am excited is that I am trying to grasp the concept of stopping thinking about what my abilities are and what category of personality I fit into, and removing all sense of limits from my mind, because Allah's ability is limitless and everything comes from Him. If anyone is able to fully understand and live by this line of thought, they would be quite happy and successful. This needs to be done with the correct intention and carefully steering clear of delusions, ie: not sleeping for a week and functioning well is possible because anything is possible by Allah. Yes, anything is possible, but Allah wants us to tie our camels!

I have a box full of diaries filled with my innermost thoughts. I write in a diary when I have something to sort out in my mind by myself. When I have my thoughts down on paper, I can rearrange things easily and make sense out of what seemed like a ball of fuzz. I'm assuming we all have moments when all we feel like doing is ranting out the most absurd things and screaming our heads off. I usually do it on paper, so that I don't chuck a fit at someone else and hurt them, which is very easy to do when we are feeling negatively emotional. I liked doing that with certain people sometimes too, people who are very non-judgmental and work as a 'wall' (as NS described it). But then, I realised, as soon as I have such conversations online, they are written in a space that isn't mine, and are no longer confined to staying in the past. Which is why I prefer the diary method much better now. But the problem is - things in there are for my eyes, and my eyes only. I am wondering whether I should burn them, because I can't really guarantee that they will not fall in someone else's hands. And anything that isn't in your control but is supposed to be in your control isn't healthy for your state of mind. But then, I don't want to just burn away years and years of thoughts! I think I started writing a diary pretty properly since I was 13 - which means I have 9 year's worth of stuff. But then, is it really worth anything if all it'll do is bring about more negativity? Isn't it better to burn bad bridges?

Scattered thoughts

I am really, really cold. Z is playing with household objects. I think I could do with a nice cup of coffee, or a well made cup of tea. But I'm too cold. I woke up with a sore throat. The rest of my family is at this weekend's Al Kauthar course. I missed out because I didn't sign up on before the tickets were sold out. Some days, some minor things seem like they are the most annoying things in the world. Like, this morning, when everyone was busy in the kitchen, their voices seemed like sharp knives in my ear. There was no particular reason for this to happen. 

I would like a cup of coffee, but I don't feel too enthusiastic about going and making one because I know that Z would throw a tantrum when I refuse to let her take a sip. I'm thinking of buying matching mugs for the two of us. I can make coffee in mine and she can drink milk in hers. Mine can be the normal sized one and hers can be an espresso cup. I'll have to find a perfect set though.

Z needs changing out of her pj's. 

Ramadan in 2 days!