Reflections and intentions

I quit my out of home jobs at the end of 2022. My middle daughter got very ill all of a sudden - she went from a lively toddler to a cranky one who liked to lay in bed all day and scream. While I was at work she stayed with an aunty I knew since my childhood, this aunty is the first one to tell me to take her to the hospital. I thought she would get better - kids are resilient - is the voice I had in my head. She didn't get better. A few months of back and forth to different doctors and specialists, sleepless nights, cranky mornings, and we had our diagnosis of severe eczema. Long story short - I had to quit my job to stay at home as a full time carer, with no light at the end of the tunnel at that time. At the end of 2022, I couldn't see what my life would look like ahead.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (AI-Baqarah, 2:216)

So much goodness came out of that time.

- I increased my dua and reliance on Allah.

- Lots of people made dua for her, during Umrah. (I believe one/several of these duas were accepted and what led to the eventual healing)

- People that are no longer in my life now gave me solutions and are still helping, particularly this friend - Dalia - who taught me how to make my own moisturiser, which I use on all of my children to this day. I've lost touch with her and she isn't in any social media either. If you come across this, make a dua for her so that Allah rewards her with Jannah. What may have been a simple thing to her helped me massively.

- I quit my job, which prompted Mr H to consider taking his long service leave and allowed us to travel for 5 months.

I intend to revisit and record the details of our travels. A voice inside my head tells me that its a blessing I had zero control over, so what's the point in talking about it? But then, isn't that everything in life? Do we truly have control over anything?

My intention for revisiting and recording the details of our travels are:

- To remember and keep remembering that beautiful part of my life.

- To share what I learnt about the world - history, human nature, Allah's beautiful creations

- To encourage anyone who may be thinking about travelling, have the funds and means to travel but feeling an internal block - to break through that block and travel!

I have had at least two people tell me that they considered and went on a journey because if I can do it, they can do it too. I should take this as an encouragement and just begin. I was meant to record the details while we were travelling, but I was in my early and middle stages of pregnancy, and at the end of each day I was so tired from the adventures that all I wanted to do was just lay in bed. But I am intending to give myself the next four weeks to get onto this and get through this.

One experience I have been reflecting on lately is my visit to Bosnia, especially the town of Sebrenica. Even as I type the words now I can feel a sense of dread wash over me. Serb soldiers systematically killed Bosnians, cornering them, separating the men from the women and children at one time and then just shooting them to death. This is exactly what happened in North Gaza yesterday. There is a memorial in Sebrenica with the words 'Never Again' - and I just keep thinking - 30 years - less than my short lifetime - that is how long it took for the world to witness a public genocide, in real time this time, and forget its entire history of promises of never again.

Today

Its been a while since I wrote here properly. I say that at the beginning of a lot of posts. What changed since my last life update?

We went around the world. I have a 6 month old daughter now. I have been trying to write a picture book for a year. We've moved back into the suburbs - no more spontaneous walks to the beach. Mr H's sister has a baby and I became a Mami for the first time. Its a warm day outside today but quite cold inside the house. Today was meant to be my cleaning day because the older two are in school/childcare and the youngest one is napping. But instead I've taken a trip down the memory lane. 

I've been reading some of my old posts from my teenage years. I am at a place in my life which was unimaginable to me back then. If anyone told my sixteen and a half year old self that by the time the next sixteen and a half years roll by I would be happily married for 10 years to a guy I love, be a mother of three daughters and travelled to over 70 countries in the world - she wouldn't believe it. If she did, she probably would not have as much self doubt as she did back then. 

Life is good now, alhamdulillah.

Wild haired girls

 Girls with wild hair

Are girls with fire in their eyes

Change the world

For the better 

With the strong grip that you have.

My girls with wild hair

And loud voices -

Keep being who you are.

Grow up to be unapologetical Muslimaat.