Tuesday, April 08, 2008

E-i-g-h-t-h Avril Shunno 8

"I've been awake for a while now
You got me feeling like a child now"

Too many things are happening in my life lately and I haven't had the time or the space to sort them out for the past few weeks. My self esteem went up by a mile yesterday, then it decided to plummet down again. I feel like I don't deserve this place, they are much better than I am. The rush of happiness that I felt yesterday is gone somewhere far away. It was an achievement, yes, a little success that I needed for myself, but it wasn't enough to last me through today. I just feel so ashamed, to think that being a maths genius is possible for a normal person, yet I am not even close to alright in physics. I think my brain is proportionally smaller than the rest of humanity.

Aaah.. brains...

"দলা পাকানো কাগজ ও চুমোয় ভরা মগজ নিয়ে ঘুমোও,

I miss Marisa a lot, but I think I'm getting closer to my new friends now. I was feeling so helpless and they made my day a little bit brighter. Risa would still be my best friend, but I think these friends would be good ones too. I felt a little deceived today, though I know I shouldn't have, because it wasn't their fault. But that incident made me feel a bit less helpless about myself. I mean, if they can do things well because they are being spoon-fed, and I can do some of them well even when I'm not being spoon-fed and not trying my best, then maybe, if I try a little, I can do just as well, right?

I realised that fakeness is a common trait in most girls. So, I decided to hide myself under a cover too. Who needs to know how I really feel anyway? (hehe.. I just realised how emo that sounds.. but I'M NOT AN EMO TEEN.. RELAX!!)

I also realised that some people have this really annoying habit of judging people on any trivial issue.

'Cause every time I see your bubbly fa-a-ace
I get the tinglies in a silly place"

How can someone have a bubbly fa-a-ace anyway??

"...The rain is falling on my window pane..."

...And the clouds were way too beautiful again today. My bad mood just vanished somewhere when I saw them. And the weather was going completely crazy. One moment, the rain pattered on the roof, next, sun shone on the grass. Next, both together. It was actually sun showering this morning! The raindrops were so soft, I felt like standing right in the middle of the action, but was embarrassed to do it in a public place, so I just walked, very, very slowly.

"...মেঘের বেগে রেগে গিয়ে অসম্ভবের সম্ভাবনা ড্রিমাও,..."

I know I don't have the words to describe the beauty I laid my eyes upon today, neither for the dismay I felt at 2 pm, and I know I will forget them soon, but they were worth experiencing. They remind me that I'm still a human and I still have lots and lots of room for improvement.

"...তাও না হলে কাওকে বলে বিষন্নতার ছলে বসে ঝিমাও,..."

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth."

Still looking... still looking... still...

"...বা অন্য কিছু ধন্য করার আশায় মাথায় চিন্তা ঠাসা থামাও।"