And it goes on

I was forced to retreat to my study table on a relaxable Friday night. I was so hopeful that I would get a bit of time to unwind on the net that I got really, really disappointed when I was told not to. What could I do? I couldn't study, I couldn't have fun at home, I couldn't go out since the place I live in is not very safe on Friday nights. That's when the idea struck me. Instead of lazing around and sulking about having too many problems and no solution or direction to my life, I could just come up with solutions. LOL.

So, I ripped out an A4 piece of paper from my hated Economics workbook which I hardly use anyway, and wrote away. My goal is to reach the goals by the 7th of Dec, 08. The actual goals are not to be discussed with anyone else, so I can't really publish them on a public blog. BUT, what I can say, is that, one of the goals are to do with school work. And the steps towards that is to do four hours of school work on weeknights and 8 hours on Saturdays. (note: school work = homework + assignments + making notes + reading over notes + studying for exams + practising speeches + anything else related to school)

The day after, aka the-first-Saturday-of-my-new-directed-life, I worked for 6 hours. Sunday, 2 hours. Monday, 2 hours. TUESDAY - 4 HOURS!

Today - zilch.

I had every intention of doing things today. I wrote up a list of things to do, stuck it in front of my nose and started going through them. Somehow, I got distracted again. Here I am. Procrastinating. While sister watches House. Life seriously succotashes.

By the way, I have to write a poem about a tabooed issue in society. Any ideas? Its supposed to be due tomorrow, but its just homework and I'm pretty sure most of the class won't do it by tomorrow.

Anyway, I have to retire to bed. Toodles!

Shiitaking it Out

Ok. So school starts tomorrow and I just looked at my check-list again. I've only finished a couple of things I planned to do... OUT OF LIKE. FIFTY!! Its really annoying because out the things I finished, I have to fix most of them up too. I have an English extension analytical essay tomorrow and I really don't think I am in an analysing mood right now. I probably won't be tomorrow either. Gosh! Succotash the test, Mr Simon, you edible-Asian-mushroom! Shiitake!

I mean, I love the book 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' because its so full of truisms and cheesy statements in special attires. If I haven't told you the story before - here's the rundown: a nine-year-old boy, Oskar, too smart for his age, loses his father in the 9/11 incident. That makes him lose some brain cells too and he goes extremely crazy because he feels extremely lonely and guilty. He finds a clue to a puzzle that his dad told him to solve before he died and starts to work on it. In the end, he realises it wasn't even a clue. I know that doesn't sound great, but trust me, Jonathan Safran Foer can say it much better than I can!

Anyway, the point is, its such a good book that its almost too good to write an essay on. It can be analysed deeper and deeper everyday, and I really don't mind doing that, but what I am afraid of is Mr Simon. I've heard he's a great English teacher, but in the past, he rejected my ideas. I can't afford to get a low mark in this subject again. And I can't afford to drop it because I think I'll drop physics. And I can't drop both because its not possible to get a Higher School Certificate with only nine units. Unless I pick up extension 2 maths.

naahh.

I used to love Oskar. How can someone be so truthful and brilliant, right? Then I realised, he doesn't really know how to love. Like his mother said, he is very definitive. He can't understand in-betweens. Even gray is either black or white to him. He can't be real. Even if he is, he doesn't suit the reality I live in. Heck! 9-year-olds can't do all that anyway! But how old do you need to be to meet the criteria? 15? 20? What if that's not enough either?

Shiitake! I don't know what I'm talking about! I think this is the side effect of stressing out about tomorrow's exam. It seriously succotash-es!

Wandering Daughter

Haven't watched Juno yet, but have heard a lot about its soundtracks. So one fine morning I decided to listen to them. Most of the songs are composed and sung by Kimya Dawson. She has an absolutely adorable voice and the words are too captivating to not be looked up. The imagery is so creative and specific that it gets stuck in your brain. Anyway, so I got over her songs from Juno after about a month. Then I listened to another song yesterday, and fell in love with them again. Its called 'Wandering Daughter. Its about six minutes long, contains minimal music and lots and lots of wisdom and truth. The theme reminds me of 'traveller' and her innocent voice reminds of Dawud Wharnsby Ali.

Here it goes:

I am the wanderer's wandering daughter
wrestle the pestle for the sake of the mortar
i love as i breathe and leave as i live
my cast iron shield's a titanium sieve

and a castle that's built on confusion and doubt
is a nickel within and a dollar without
just when the shoes seem so big i can't win
i fill my own sneakers and take off again

i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
take all my pain and i mix it with water
it's sunny it's sweet and i don't purple stuff it
one day by the way i met little miss muffet

i blew my mind with the stuff that i taught her
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
i said if a spider should sit down beside you
tell him your name and then tell him the truth

a great hairy spider appeared there and then
and the holes in my soul started letting in wind
i felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter

she said i'm miss muffet i'm very afraid
but something inside me is making me stay
i know deep down that if i run away
i'll just meet more spiders and still feel the same

the spider he smiled and said how is this true
when i am so terribly smaller than you?
my web it just went in the way the wind blew
what i was in for i hadn't a clue

he touched her face gently with six of his legs
and licked from her chin a speck of curds and whey
when i was certain they'd both be okay
i tightened my laces and i walked away

as i walked away i was feeling excluded
wishing my impulses weren't diluted
the muscle i hustle is real for my friends
but the muscle i keep for myself is pretend

i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
travel the land and i live like a martyr
the things that i do aren't the things that i teach
if i spend my time practicing when will i preach?

i do what i must as you do what you oughta
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
take all my pain and mix it with water
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter

i'm lost and alone and i'm fair and i'm free
you am what you is and i are who i be
what i'm lacking in strength i make up for in smarts
you keep your stability i'll keep my heart

fear finds october emotions are juices
beat around bushes and make up excuses
go out for ceruleans come home with chartreuses
snip and cut bonsais and turn them to spruces

miss muffet called me and she said don't cry
real friends are friends until after they die
still i romanticize all this disorder
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
hop the next bus and run for the border
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
give you my life if you give me a quarter
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter

so long it's been good to know ya
so long it's been good to know ya
so long it's been good to know ya
i've got to be moving along

An extremely clever piece of work :D

In the midst of my heart

Happiness doesn't play a part.
All is evil, all the dark
Thoughts entangled in a spark.
Endless lies have made their way

Yonder, shading me in grey,
Over and over again,
Ushering inside, the pain.

p.s.: See, just because I use cheats, sometimes, doesn't mean I'm not smart!

p.p.s: I'm not an emo!!

p.p.p.s: This was not intended for anyone.