'B' is right again. I am in dire need of fixing up my priorities. I am not a person who's hardest struggle is to keep them alive, or someone who has reasons to be depressed. All my basic needs are fullfilled and some more, yet I am not using all the opportunities I am getting. My life feels like a jigsaw puzzle that has been tipped upside down. I need to get all the pieces and put them in their right spots. I need to stop spending so much time on the net, because, clearly, its not helping me or any others; instead, I need to focus on the reality. The reality happens to be exactly one hundred and fifty eight days away. These days will pass in the blink of an eye and I would not even realise, just like everything else.
I realised that everyone else thinks I study a lot. I was pretty surprised, because, to me, it seems that I do not study at all. Then I realised that its because I am so disorganised that the times that I do study do not amount to anything in the end. But to people who only see me when I am studying or motivated, it seems that I study all the time. If this keeps on going, I would be a loser (in the original sense) both ways.
The only problem is, I don't know how to fix me.
Maybe I should be one of those people who stuff up their HSC and then tell everyone else how not to stuff up. I think they get a lot of money if they are lucky. I wouldn't even have to work hard to do that - it'll all come very naturally!
I noticed that I am having conversations with myself in my head. A part of me tells me to forget about what everyone says and just to get back to the task in hand because that will atleast push me a little forward instead of pushing me back or keeping myself stationary. Another part butts in with a thousand 'what if?'s. I think its a product of watching too much House.
I am also very confused all the time. There should be a device where you can tip your brain out, get it fixed, then pick it up and place it back in its spot. If the jigsaw puzzle fits right, there is nothing else to worry about. An organised less talented person goes further in life than a disorganised talented person.
So here goes the first step:
I will not post again before 5th November 2009. My wisdoms should be channelled towards myself for a little while.