Monday, May 07, 2012

Sickness, loneliness (and also - some happiness!)

Its that time of the year again - I have tissues sprawled everywhere, my nose and eyes are running simultaneously, I have a constant headache, my throat hurts and my voice seems to disappear every now and then. I am sick. This does not happen often. But when it does - it happens at the worst of times. I have an assignment due on Tuesday. I have work and uni all week. I cannot afford to lie on my bed all day even though it is the only activity I would like to (and probably should!) engage in for the next few days.

However, I am left with a empty cup of coffee, a few tunes, blank papers and the article I am supposed to be analysing. So far, I have written a little over 300 words, which I am expecting to magically turn into 1500 words by the end of tonight. After which, I am planning to take off work (I'm sick!) and sleep. By the end of tonight, I am expecting to get sicker anyway. Although, I hate taking work off. I have a love-hate relationship with my current work. I am a junior therapist for two little autistic boys. Currently, they are the cutest and most loved boys in my life. I love it when they wrap their arms around me and giggle. I love laughing like crazy at lame things like a toy car driving up the wall, singing nursery rhymes tunelessly and hearing my name from their little lips.

One thing I love about kids is that they get amused by very small things and start to love anyone they have a bit of fun with. They are free of inhibitions that fill an adult's mind. They don't worry about risks, nor do they judge too quick. But then, they don't have to. The older we grow, the more we know, the more we begin to see the long road ahead of us. The more we see that road, the more cautious we become. The more reserved, the more 'rational', they more careful.

Apart from kids and all the good things that come with them, lately, I have also been thinking about loneliness. I know its all about perception. You may feel lonely amongst a thousand people, and at the same time, you can be without loneliness even when you are by yourself. The only Being that can quench your thirst is God, because if you can perceive that God loves you more than any other being can ever do, you can see that if you fill your heart with His love, it is enough. Alhamdulillah, this concept is easy for me to grasp because I have been exposed to it, have learnt about it and have felt it. Even then, sometimes, that feeling leaves me. I was thinking about the people that have not experienced it, or do not experience it often. Everyone leaves, all the time. And when your heart is attached to one particular person, you are bound to become lonely eventually. And if your heart is attached to a few people, you will still become lonely in the future, and you will be hurt over and over again. And way too many people cling on to other people, if not outwardly, they do in their hearts. And loneliness is ever present in them.

Anyway, I think I should stop philosophising because it will neither get me money nor sleep nor any closer to  where I want to be (unless someone reads my words and are so moved that they miraculously change their life for the better... highly unlikely. :P). Anyway, one of the loneliest songs I know is a song called Near to You by A Fine Frenzy. Although, as a student of Psychology, I should know that I should not tell you this, because, if you are lonely, and you listen to this song, it will make you feel lonelier. And if you are not lonely, and you listen to this song, you will probably start to feel lonely. And loneliness is not a positive emotion.

Time to get off. :)

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