Clarity

TA can use her words so incredibly well. We only ever talk over whatsapp - in our years of friendship, I can only remember having coffee with her a couple of times. The most amount of face to face time we had was probably during our wedding. Yet, she can somehow tell when I am a little bit under the weather.

Here's a little draft of something else I wrote in light of my convo with TA today:

The world inside my head is blurry.

It used to be clear

Before you walked in.

I had my pen, lined paper

and thoughts.

I had my eyes, two feet

and a cup of coffee.

I formed words easily - 

I could hear them talk

without listening to them.

I could smile with bright eyes

without letting them peak inside.

You ripped me apart,

blurred my vision,

took the words, and,

Began reigning inside my head.

Donkey

I have another assignment due tomorrow night. It's a set of reflective papers, which were, ironically, supposed to be blogged in four hundred words over the span of six weeks. I was consistent for two of the weeks. Currently, I am finishing off the third one. I still have three more to go. This is due tomorrow night. I am screwed. If I did one reading everyday, taking some notes, and writing the pot at the end of the week, it would have taken me an hour a day, maximum. Now it shall be an allnighter. This is for the future you, L, please learn from your mistakes. The awesome thing about being married is that you can go on unreasonable rants and take out all of your stresses on someone else. Mr H is excellent at handling my rants.

Now - caffeine and eyes.

Faking it

I have a knack for burning bridges really fast. Looking back at my life, I have probably burnt more bridges than I sustained, leaving very few people from my past into my current life. Except for my family and a few friends here and there, most people in my current life are new. I am not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing, or neither. I guess it means that I change with the people around me and so I stop relating to people that I previously could, so, we slowly drift. Often times I have consciously cut people off my life - people that I knew will keep having a negative impact on me as time goes by.

What's the first thought on your mind when you wake up?

Here's a very rough draft of something:

We rush through life like a race
Set to start when thinking starts
Must be better, must be faster,
Must ignore our beating hearts.
They tell you how you should proceed
First comes this and then comes that
Must not mess with the order of things
Must not stop for idle chat.
Gather your wealth and use your eggs
Don't put them all in one basket
You are the only one you need, they said,
But they are the ones you must please.

Him.

He makes me feel like a teenager and as if we've been together for a lifetime, all at the same time. Sometime in the past year, he propped himself hard and fast in the best-friend seat, and is refusing to move. He buys me chocolate, makes me laugh, holds me when I cry and pushes me off the bed when I should really be finishing my assignment instead of sleeping. He also thinks I look like Katie Holmes, which is hilarious. Recently, he has fallen in love with the newest member of our family - Z's little sister - which just makes me love him more. Also, he buys me cool things like coffee mugs and wall planners.

Social media

Social media is terrible. When you see smiling faces while you are having a crappy day, you start to think that everyone else is always happy while you are always sad. When your friends are putting up photos of the excellent times they are spending with their significant other, you forget about all the great times that you've had because the only place the photos exist in are your phones.