Saturday, May 20, 2017

And then she came.

Little M was born at 3.17 PM on Friday the 21st of April. When I went into labour, I realised two things:
- Dua is an amazing tool. I made dua for an easy and quick labour without any pain medication and a natural birth. I got all of it alhamdulillah. Looking back, I don't know how I survived the contractions towards the end, but I did. Allah eased and facilitated it for me.
- Allah facilitated something for me that's considered to be one the most painful pains in the world and he allowed me to go through it without any sort of pain killers at all. Anything else I would ever face would possibly be less painful (physically at least).

I had strange sensations of deja vu for a day or two after the birth. I can't explain it now, but I had random images in my head, images of places or situations from my life, right from my childhood to the present, and my body would feel like it's almost paralysed, and my mind would feel numb of some sort. I felt very lost and scared for about a week, always worried that something will go wrong. Alhamdulillah, that time passed.

I had a good day today. Everyday seems to be different. Some days are good, some not so much. Some days - I feel like, okay, I've finally got the hang of it. Some days I feel absolutely incompetent. A mother I hold very close to my heart told me, motherhood is a lonely journey.

No one else can ever really know what its like.

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