Parents

I love the way my parents implemented systems in their lives. They wake up before dawn every morning to pray, ask Allah for everything they need, recite Quran, study the Quran and then record all of these. They probably spend about an hour and a half doing all of that. They go to work, they dress well - modest (both in covering and in $$) -- and they work hard. Both of my parents work so hard. They don't equate hard work with money, if they did, neither of them would be teachers. But they equate hard work with the idea that every cent they earn needs to halal. They have internalised the fact that if they waste work time or resources then that portion of money won't be halal for them. They come home, garden, cook with the resources they have available. They don't go beyond their means. My mum has always repeated the mantra - 'cut your coat according to your cloth'. They eat healthy and they take care of themselves. My parents always put perfume on before they go to sleep so that they can smell good for each other.

I feel like I am failing in life even though I have had such great parents. They brought us up so well, but I am not doing well. I feel like I am sitting a test that I had ample opportunities to prepare for, but I did not. I have not adopted any of their practises within me. By the time my mum was my age, she already had all her kids. She was raising 3 kids and she had been working for 5 years. She had passions for other things like sewing which she expressed by making dresses for myself and my sister.

I think my passion had been writing. I am not sure if I was ever any good at poetry, but I liked writing them. I liked writing down my thoughts, sorting through them and changing my life as a result. I don't think I made anything of it. I am not a hard worker like my parents. I have no idea how to change situations around me and I am not working hard or consistently enough to change myself. This makes me feel bitter, terribly bitter.