World Newses

The world is becoming more and more similar to the worlds from dystopian movies from the 90s. I wish it was an option to just turn everything off and hide in a little comfortable corner, and still turn out okay for eternity. 

Grudges, Misunderstandings, Forgiveness- and all that jazz

I got hurt by someone I love this morning and it slowed my productivity by a mile. All I felt like doing was hide under the covers and cry tears of annoyance. And, after I did some hiding, and some crying and some writing, I realised a few things. (This is going to be a YM type writing, so if you're allergic to mushiness, leave now or forever hold your peace.)

The person who hurt me has no idea that I got hurt. Every time I try to talk to said-person about a certain thing that he/she said that hurt me, it always ends up down the wrong road. She (for the purposes of this writing, lets keep it to a female, but read 'he/she') misunderstands me somehow, and I'm never able to make my point with her. For a long time, I thought the problem was with me. I thought that I am not able to express myself well, which is why there are so many misunderstandings. Then I came across some people who understood me so well that I didn't feel the need of putting up a guard. Its like neither of us felt that it is possible to have hidden meanings behind words, so we just assume the best possible apparent meaning. And if that apparent meaning isn't the best possible one, we would talk about it as soon as possible. I got so used to being so lucky that I forgot that people often do hide what they mean, so, when those people in my life began popping up again, I fell back into walking down the wrong road.

My point is - there are some people that you will have a clear line of communication with, and some with whom you will have no idea what book they are on, let alone being on the same page. Ideally, you would stop interacting with these people because they get on your nerves so much that you feel like murdering them every time they open their mouth. But, that is not possible. Especially if you love them so much.

This is the way I see it now. After I get hurt, I can do one of two things - I can deal with it with that person or I can deal with it myself. (There's no third option, because you always need to deal with things.) Doing either of those requires me to remember where I am from and where I am going. In Islam, interactions with others is so important that if you're unjust to someone else, it can be your ticket to hell. So, I need to take care of my side of things. I need to make sure that I am being fair and assertive, but not aggressive. I need to make sure that I go down the most effective path, instead of the path that will make me feel better. So, even if it makes me feel temporarily better to scream my head off at that person, will it really make a difference? I need to think about the position of that person in my life, their personality, their situations.

I need to remember that we are all selfish in one way or another, and the best way to use our selfish nature is if we use it to be selfish about Jannah. I need to remember that I need to get there, and if someone hurts me, its only better for my hereafter. Some people desperately try to forgive others so that the other person's hereafter is intact, in the process of which go into a self-denying cycle of subconscious grudge, which might turn into some sort of action in the future that will end up ruining their own hereafter. So, remember to take care of your own survival first.

If you keep your own intentions and actions in check, and you remember that your ultimate goal is Jannah, nothing in the world can defy your happiness. If you really love that person, somewhere down the track, things will be fixed and you'll subconsciously forgive them.

(I hope the above will make sense to Future L.)

Things that piss me off

In no particular order.

- People who are dissatisfied with things they can't change.
- People who are dissatisfied with things they can change, but instead of changing them, just complain about them. To others. Personal blogs/diaries/God doesn't count.
- When people who critique society in order for others to notice what it is that they can change even though they think they cannot are labelled as complainers.
- Overtly materialistic people.
- Directing strong words towards one particular person in order to inflict pain.
- People who keep falling out on their responsibilities for stupid reasons. I know, I know, I am one of them. I piss myself off too.
- Adults who are yet to snap out of their teenage state.
- Teenagers.
- When the house is messed up ten minutes after I have cleaned it, by an 11 month old kid.
- When that particular 11 month old kid refuses to fall asleep during her nap time.
- People who care way too much about social expectations, and lose themselves in the process.
- Jealousy.
- People who make a lot of mistakes yet are unforgiving towards others.
- The blue pill.

Cravings

I think my plan has worked. I no longer 'crave' coffee as much as I did... last week. In saying that, I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying a cup every now and then. I am currently sipping on organic fair trade coffee, freshly ground and espresso-ed. A few articles convinced me to go organic in terms of coffee - more anti-oxidants, less caffeine per cup, no artificial pesticides used during cultivation, better for the environment and so on. I haven't done much research on Fair Trade products, but from what I know, they follow a certain level of standards in taking care of their workers. "What Fair Trade ensures is that producers receive a fair price no lower than the market price. It also ensures that there is accountability and transparency in the supply chain." All in all, its a pretty good deal!

So yes, not craving things has a really big advantage. We crave something when we expect it in our life, but can't get our hands on it. So, if we can learn to eliminate that expectation for 'things' (and people), then we can enjoy those much more, because we will be cherishing their presence. 

Food

I ran out of coffee beans. I can't remember when I finished them, but it must've been a while - about a week? I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms, and attempting to address them by inventing new things with tea bags. My best invention is probably this: Fill a cup with half water and half low fat milk and put it in the microwave for three minutes. About a minute later, add some cinnamon and a tea bag or two. Another minute later, add a bit of lemon/orange rind and some bits of dry ginger. Keep a watch so that the liquid doesn't boil over, but, comes to a 'boil'. Once you've paused and started the microwave a few times to stop it from boiling over but letting it come to a boil, take it out, squeeze the tea bag out, spoon out the cinnamon and add a spoon of honey. Let it cool for a minute or two, and you are ready to go! It's simple and easy, but it also has the right kind of heaviness, as well as the right kind of freshness.

In saying that, I must say I miss my coffees. But, in saying that, I do realise I have been pulled deeper into the traps of caffeine than anticipated. I know its just coffee, and I know I laugh about it. But it goes a little more than that. The fact that I'm so dependent on it to make me feel 'awake' is a little scary. It goes against rules of nature to be so dependent on anything in this world. My mum always tries to tell me this. About different things - over the years - because I am the type of person to get attached to people/things really easily. I think my mum is like me too, but she tries to negate that side of herself by thinking that she isn't attached. Which is pretty useful, and healthy, if you can do it properly. (And unfortunately, very unhealthy if you can't! Your mind would keep negating what your heart keeps telling you, and you will suffer from a major cognitive dissonance. :P)

I also realised I have been sounding a little preachy lately (or maybe.. for a while?). I apologise if I have annoyed you. Preachy people annoy the hell out of me (note the pun :P), because, they listen less, and talk more. Just because a person is religious, does not mean he/she has to be preachy, and just because someone is preachy, does not necessarily mean it must be about religion. Its just basically conversing with someone, without really engaging in the conversation. Generally, it is characterised by broad statements and revolve around a particular topic. I detest people who do not engage in conversations, who are thinking about something else while talking to you, because it shows that they are subconsciously thinking that you are not worthy of their full attention.

So, yes, I apologise. But, at the same time, I know why I may have been so. My mind often feels overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts it has, because of the exposure to different ideas. So, I would be thinking about one thing, but would move on to something else without letting the first thought fully develop. A fully developed thought comes with closure, and usually, some action points, while a half-developed thought is filled with emotions, because your mind hasn't resolved its bits and pieces. So, when there are several half developed thoughts, your mind becomes one messed up place and an emotional train wreck.

What I need to remember is this: Life is denied by a lack of attention, whether it be cleaning windows, or trying to write a masterpiece. I wrote it down from a book that Miffy recommended to me, but I am forgetting to live by it lately. I need to remember that I cannot save the world with the very limited resources I have, and it won't do if I just keep talking about it. You will be living in delusion if you think that merely talking about something is an action in itself, or that you, yourself, can save a huge problem that is affecting people around the globe. There is no use in trying to save others if you are not saved yourself. So, whatever is in your mind, put it down on paper (or the screen). Once all your issues are out of your head, sort them into action points. Then, get to it, whether it be cleaning windows, or writing a masterpiece. And remember to put all of yourself in it for the duration of time that you spend doing it.