Shiitaking it Out

Ok. So school starts tomorrow and I just looked at my check-list again. I've only finished a couple of things I planned to do... OUT OF LIKE. FIFTY!! Its really annoying because out the things I finished, I have to fix most of them up too. I have an English extension analytical essay tomorrow and I really don't think I am in an analysing mood right now. I probably won't be tomorrow either. Gosh! Succotash the test, Mr Simon, you edible-Asian-mushroom! Shiitake!

I mean, I love the book 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' because its so full of truisms and cheesy statements in special attires. If I haven't told you the story before - here's the rundown: a nine-year-old boy, Oskar, too smart for his age, loses his father in the 9/11 incident. That makes him lose some brain cells too and he goes extremely crazy because he feels extremely lonely and guilty. He finds a clue to a puzzle that his dad told him to solve before he died and starts to work on it. In the end, he realises it wasn't even a clue. I know that doesn't sound great, but trust me, Jonathan Safran Foer can say it much better than I can!

Anyway, the point is, its such a good book that its almost too good to write an essay on. It can be analysed deeper and deeper everyday, and I really don't mind doing that, but what I am afraid of is Mr Simon. I've heard he's a great English teacher, but in the past, he rejected my ideas. I can't afford to get a low mark in this subject again. And I can't afford to drop it because I think I'll drop physics. And I can't drop both because its not possible to get a Higher School Certificate with only nine units. Unless I pick up extension 2 maths.

naahh.

I used to love Oskar. How can someone be so truthful and brilliant, right? Then I realised, he doesn't really know how to love. Like his mother said, he is very definitive. He can't understand in-betweens. Even gray is either black or white to him. He can't be real. Even if he is, he doesn't suit the reality I live in. Heck! 9-year-olds can't do all that anyway! But how old do you need to be to meet the criteria? 15? 20? What if that's not enough either?

Shiitake! I don't know what I'm talking about! I think this is the side effect of stressing out about tomorrow's exam. It seriously succotash-es!

Wandering Daughter

Haven't watched Juno yet, but have heard a lot about its soundtracks. So one fine morning I decided to listen to them. Most of the songs are composed and sung by Kimya Dawson. She has an absolutely adorable voice and the words are too captivating to not be looked up. The imagery is so creative and specific that it gets stuck in your brain. Anyway, so I got over her songs from Juno after about a month. Then I listened to another song yesterday, and fell in love with them again. Its called 'Wandering Daughter. Its about six minutes long, contains minimal music and lots and lots of wisdom and truth. The theme reminds me of 'traveller' and her innocent voice reminds of Dawud Wharnsby Ali.

Here it goes:

I am the wanderer's wandering daughter
wrestle the pestle for the sake of the mortar
i love as i breathe and leave as i live
my cast iron shield's a titanium sieve

and a castle that's built on confusion and doubt
is a nickel within and a dollar without
just when the shoes seem so big i can't win
i fill my own sneakers and take off again

i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
take all my pain and i mix it with water
it's sunny it's sweet and i don't purple stuff it
one day by the way i met little miss muffet

i blew my mind with the stuff that i taught her
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
i said if a spider should sit down beside you
tell him your name and then tell him the truth

a great hairy spider appeared there and then
and the holes in my soul started letting in wind
i felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter

she said i'm miss muffet i'm very afraid
but something inside me is making me stay
i know deep down that if i run away
i'll just meet more spiders and still feel the same

the spider he smiled and said how is this true
when i am so terribly smaller than you?
my web it just went in the way the wind blew
what i was in for i hadn't a clue

he touched her face gently with six of his legs
and licked from her chin a speck of curds and whey
when i was certain they'd both be okay
i tightened my laces and i walked away

as i walked away i was feeling excluded
wishing my impulses weren't diluted
the muscle i hustle is real for my friends
but the muscle i keep for myself is pretend

i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
travel the land and i live like a martyr
the things that i do aren't the things that i teach
if i spend my time practicing when will i preach?

i do what i must as you do what you oughta
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
take all my pain and mix it with water
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter

i'm lost and alone and i'm fair and i'm free
you am what you is and i are who i be
what i'm lacking in strength i make up for in smarts
you keep your stability i'll keep my heart

fear finds october emotions are juices
beat around bushes and make up excuses
go out for ceruleans come home with chartreuses
snip and cut bonsais and turn them to spruces

miss muffet called me and she said don't cry
real friends are friends until after they die
still i romanticize all this disorder
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
hop the next bus and run for the border
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter
give you my life if you give me a quarter
i am the wanderer's wandering daughter

so long it's been good to know ya
so long it's been good to know ya
so long it's been good to know ya
i've got to be moving along

An extremely clever piece of work :D

In the midst of my heart

Happiness doesn't play a part.
All is evil, all the dark
Thoughts entangled in a spark.
Endless lies have made their way

Yonder, shading me in grey,
Over and over again,
Ushering inside, the pain.

p.s.: See, just because I use cheats, sometimes, doesn't mean I'm not smart!

p.p.s: I'm not an emo!!

p.p.p.s: This was not intended for anyone.

Draft #2

warning: I may sound like a little emo kid at times. ITS OK. I think my life is as important as a grain of sand in Sahara. (refer to Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer)

There are two types of people in my life right now.

1. The good, honest beings who look out for others, or rather, look out for me, because anything will happen at any time and I will be doomed forever.

2. The people that I should look out for, who will ruin my life because they are so influential with their bad qualities.

শব্দাশ্রু

শব্দগুলো গলার কাছাকাছি
কান্না হয়ে বন্দী হয়ে থাকে,
চারিদিকে নেই কোন পথ, তারা
ঠায় দাঁড়িয়ে নিজের মৃত্যু আঁকে।
চোখে চোখে মৃত্যু আঁকা শেষে,
উঠলো সবাই জীবন সিঁড়ি বেয়ে;
হাতটা চেপে, শক্ত করে চোয়াল,
ধীর পায়ে যায় শব্দ ছেলে মেয়ে।
গলার দেয়াল, নাকের শিরা ফেলে
নিজেকে নেয় শব্দ ঠেলে ঠেলে,
ঘাম জমে যায় কোঁকড়া চুলের ডগায়,
মৃত্যু প্ল্যানে নতুন জীবন জাগায়!
যেই না তারা মানব চোখের কুঠোয়
দাঁড়ালো, স্তব্ধতায়, কঠিন মুঠোয়,
কোন এক শব্দ বন্দীনি বুড়ি
ঢেলে দিলো নিজের জীবন ঝুড়ি।
একে একে শব্দ ছোট বড়
মৃত্যানন্দে উঠলো ভীষন মেতে
সবাই হলো ব্যস্ত বিস্বর্জনে
তোর অশ্রু হবার অদ্ভুত স্বাদ পেতে।

Rainshine

আজ মেঘে মেঘে রঙধনুর আসল মর্ম বুঝতে পেরেছি বিকাল চারটার দিকে। মন খারাপের ঠেলায় যখন ট্রেনের জানালা দিয়ে চোখ বের করে মেঘের ওপর রাখলাম, তখন। গত কয়েকদিনের বৃষ্টির পর সূর্য্য উঠেছিলো, আর স্পষ্ট সাতটা রঙের ছোট্ট এক টুকরো রঙধনু বের হয়েছিলো। আমার দুটো সীট পেছনে একটা বাঙালি মহিলা তার স্বামীকে বেনিআসহকলার ইংরেজী শেখাচ্ছিলো। 'স্কাইব্লু...ইয়েলো..', 'আ-তো স্কাইব্লু-ই হবে, না?'

মেঘগুলোও কেমন যেন কাব্যিক ভাব নিয়ে বসে ছিলো। আর মনে হচ্ছিলো আসলেই আগুন ঝরে ঝরে পড়ছে। মাঝে মাঝে রঙধনুটা মেঘের পেছনে হারিয়ে যাচ্ছিলো আর আমার ঘুম ঘুম চোখ নির্ঘুম হয়ে সেটাকে খুঁজে বেড়াচ্ছিলো। তারপর খুঁজে পাওয়ার একটু পরেই আবার হারিয়ে ফেলছিলো।

আজকে অংক পরীক্ষার আগে মনে হচ্ছিলো আমি খারাপ ছাত্রীদের দলে ঢুকে পড়েছি। পরীক্ষার কয়েক ঘন্টা আগে কনফিউশনে ভুগি, অথচ কনফিউশনটা আমাকে অত চিন্তিত করছিলো না। আরও বিরক্তিকর ব্যাপার হচ্ছে, আমি এবার পড়াশুনা করেছিলাম টেস্টটার জন্য। তার একটাই অর্থ: আমার মগজ দলা পাকানো কাগজে ভর্তি হয়ে ইন্টেলেকচুয়ালিটির চুমুর অভাবে ঘুমুচ্ছে। কিন্তু সেটাকে জাগাবো কিভাবে বুঝতে পারছি না। জাগাতে খুব ইচ্ছে করছে, কিন্তু অলসতার জন্য উপায় খুঁজেও বের করতে পারছি না।

Evilness, (and niceness too)

My train rides are becoming increasingly amusing lately. Certain girls are trying to avoid my eyes, even though I know that they know that I know they are there. They also know, or rather, should know that I know what they are up to. I have dropped several hints here and there which would only be completely missed by either blind or incredibly stupid people. Since all of them are neither, it is naturally quite hard to be convinced that they don't know that I know. Another reason behind the fact that I also know that they know is that they added me on Facebook and I regularly talk to them about Facebook and they should know that they have put up pictures and I have eyes.

Sorry for being foggy and vague, but it goes against my standards to be otherwise.

Oh, the other other girl put me on limited profile, so I can't see her pictures any more. I would think that the girl and the other girl would be smarter, but apparently not!

Its amazing, girls without veils seem to be the ones behind veils.

Then there are the three year seven children, who are still children. No matter how many times I try to make it clear that they are being immature, without stepping out of my vagueness, they just do not get the point. They take one observation and twist it until it becomes another, then, start playing with it. Its annoying.

I saw D after a long time today. She hasn't changed at all, which is also quite annoying, because you expect everyone to change a little every day. It has been forty eight days since I last saw her, so she should have changed in forty eight ways. I understand that they can be very trivial, but if she changed at all, I would have noticed at least one out of forty eight, right?

My sister is leaving me in seven days. I'll miss that girl.

I miss a lot of people.

"Blue-eyed sun shines on me
In the morning
Can't help but feel a little cold
Thinking of you"'

[This song reminds me of dead people. I blame Home and Away's Music Director for it. Why did they have to put this song on when Sally died (supposedly)? ]

Draft #1

My train rides are becoming increasingly amusing lately. Certain girls are trying to avoid my eyes, even though I know that they know that I know they are there. They also know, or rather, should know that I know what they are up to. I have dropped several hints here and there which would only be completely missed by either blind or incredibly stupid people. Since all of them are neither, it is naturally quite hard to be convinced that they don't know that I know. Another reason behind the fact that I also know that they know is that they added me on Facebook and I regularly talk to them about Facebook and they should know that they have put up pictures and I have eyes.

Sorry for being foggy and vague, but it goes against my standards to be otherwise.

Oh, the other other girl put me on limited profile, so I can't see her pictures any more. I would think that the girl and the other girl would be smarter, but apparently not!

Then there are the three year seven children, who are still children. No matter how many times I try to make it clear that they are being immature, without stepping out of my vagueness, they just do not get the point. They take one observation and twist it until it becomes another, then, start playing with it. Its annoying.

I saw D after a long time today. She hasn't changed at all, which is also quite annoying, because you expect everyone to change a little every day. It has been forty eight days since I last saw her, so she should have changed in forty eight ways. I understand that they can be very trivial, but if she changed at all, I would have noticed at least one out of forty eight, right?

My pen pal has not responded since... since (checking)... two days ago. Why does it feel like a whole week?

Day After Today

Do I look seventeen? Do I sound seventeen? Do I behave seventeen? Would I deserve to be seventeen tomorrow?

s-e-v-e-n-t-e-e-n

nah... doesn't seem like lamz at all.

E-i-g-h-t-h Avril Shunno 8

"I've been awake for a while now
You got me feeling like a child now"

Too many things are happening in my life lately and I haven't had the time or the space to sort them out for the past few weeks. My self esteem went up by a mile yesterday, then it decided to plummet down again. I feel like I don't deserve this place, they are much better than I am. The rush of happiness that I felt yesterday is gone somewhere far away. It was an achievement, yes, a little success that I needed for myself, but it wasn't enough to last me through today. I just feel so ashamed, to think that being a maths genius is possible for a normal person, yet I am not even close to alright in physics. I think my brain is proportionally smaller than the rest of humanity.

Aaah.. brains...

"দলা পাকানো কাগজ ও চুমোয় ভরা মগজ নিয়ে ঘুমোও,



I miss Marisa a lot, but I think I'm getting closer to my new friends now. I was feeling so helpless and they made my day a little bit brighter. Risa would still be my best friend, but I think these friends would be good ones too. I felt a little deceived today, though I know I shouldn't have, because it wasn't their fault. But that incident made me feel a bit less helpless about myself. I mean, if they can do things well because they are being spoon-fed, and I can do some of them well even when I'm not being spoon-fed and not trying my best, then maybe, if I try a little, I can do just as well, right?

I realised that fakeness is a common trait in most girls. So, I decided to hide myself under a cover too. Who needs to know how I really feel anyway? (hehe.. I just realised how emo that sounds.. but I'M NOT AN EMO TEEN.. RELAX!!)

I also realised that some people have this really annoying habit of judging people on any trivial issue.

'Cause every time I see your bubbly fa-a-ace
I get the tinglies in a silly place"

How can someone have a bubbly fa-a-ace anyway??

"...The rain is falling on my window pane..."

...And the clouds were way too beautiful again today. My bad mood just vanished somewhere when I saw them. And the weather was going completely crazy. One moment, the rain pattered on the roof, next, sun shone on the grass. Next, both together. It was actually sun showering this morning! The raindrops were so soft, I felt like standing right in the middle of the action, but was embarrassed to do it in a public place, so I just walked, very, very slowly.

"...মেঘের বেগে রেগে গিয়ে অসম্ভবের সম্ভাবনা ড্রিমাও,..."

I know I don't have the words to describe the beauty I laid my eyes upon today, neither for the dismay I felt at 2 pm, and I know I will forget them soon, but they were worth experiencing. They remind me that I'm still a human and I still have lots and lots of room for improvement.

"...তাও না হলে কাওকে বলে বিষন্নতার ছলে বসে ঝিমাও,..."

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth."

Still looking... still looking... still...


"...বা অন্য কিছু ধন্য করার আশায় মাথায় চিন্তা ঠাসা থামাও।"

Ugh... life!

Too much work makes Lamz a dull girl. I think I'm turning into a robot. I have no entertainment besides 10 minutes of Bold and the Beautiful, half an hour of Being Ian, lame posts in Somewherein... and the rare message or email from my best friend. I am being deprived of sleep. I am walking a lot but not loosing weight because I tend to eat when I am stressed and I get stressed a lot lately. Here is a list of stressful objects that are currently hammering the inside of my head:
1. Train travel: Although the 3-hour-journey is starting to get interesting, it is still very long. In the morning, I try to read Critical Lives - Muhammad, but my eyes refuse to conform to my wishes. It is a very interesting book. I read chapters each day in the holidays, but its taking me days to finish just one.
2. Embarrassing moment with Debating teacher: needless to explain.
3. Homework: For a girl who did not bother to listen to her teachers most of the past two years, this is a big change. I am up to date with most of my work. I am proud to say that I stayed up until 11.45 one night, finishing maths. :D [Right now I am half-way through English homework and taking a (long) break.]
4. Physics: She is so annoying! She is so annoying! She is so annoying! She ruins the physicisticity of physics. She is so annoying!
5. Physics: The work takes time to get through the layers of dumbness and daydreams in my brain.
6. Why do I have to justify everything I do? Can't I just DO things?
7. I got told that I'm not getting a V Day card (by a girl, in a jocular manner). The reason is very trivial, but its getting to me.
8. I thought I got a bit organised, but I realised I did not. That was just excitement of starting a new school.

There are many more. But my brain is too jammed for it to allow me to sort it out. I hate hearing people scream, cry or pose insults. I know I am being unfair to many of my closest ones, but I just can't help it right now. 'Irresponsible', 'disorganised' and 'kicchu parbana' Lamz is back.

When Emus get bored...

Spell your first name backwards: ytizmal
The story behind your msn name: the first one was named after patterns on my socks. The current one has no story - 'tis plain old lamzity's plain old real name.
Where do you live?: House 44
3 words that sum you up:
{DESCRIBE YOUR}-
wallet: RED, with too little space for my too many cards
hairbrush: It's pink.
jewellery you wear daily: nothing
pillow cover: It changes, i don't know what's on right now.
shoes: 600 taka worth of sandals from Bangladesh - yup that's what I've been wearing for 2 years!
CD in stereo right now: Nazeel's Dunyia
what you are wearing now: Black and white kamiz and jeans
hair: out; it's black, with lots of splits.
what's In your mouth: nothin'! Why do I always get suspected??
what's in your head: Emu's craziness
Some of your favorite movies: I have loads.
Something you're looking forward to: Something that might or might not happen sometime soon.
The last thing you ate?: Bhat
Something that you are deathly afraid of?: Cockroaches
Do you like candles: Yes.
Do you believe in a thing called love: Yes.
Do you believe in soul mates: Um... I guess?
Do u belive in love at first sight?: Nope.
Do you believe in forgiveness?: Yes, but it seems too hard to put into practise.
Any animal you could have for a pet would be?: A trained kitten that would stay a trained kitten forever!
What are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?: The mansion we used to live in in BD (:'() and... um..
What are some of your favourite pig-out foods?: Cho-co-la-te
What's something you wish you could understand better?: Myself.
Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?: My cousins in BD
In the last 24 hours have you?...
Cried: Yes. a lot.
Gotten sick: Um.. nope.
Sang: In the privacy of my room and the bathroom.
Eaten: haha.. I eat every hour.
Felt stupid: Ooh yes. I feel stupid every hour too.
Hugged someone: Mummy
Wanted to tell someone you loved them: Not really.
Met someone new: Yes! I only met her about twenty minutes ago!
Talked to someone you have a crush on: Hahaha... (@ Emu's answer)
Fought with your parents: yeah... I seem to do that a lot lately.
been centre of attention or the wallflower: Yes, last night at dinner.
Do you like being around people?: Depends on the people.
Who do you argue the most with?: Whoever wants to pick a fight!
Who do you always get along with?: My janu aka 'puni aka apuni
Who has the coolest siblings?: Moi
Who is the smartest?: Definitely not the person who made this quiz
Who is your Hero?: hiru? what is hiru? fatima can't think of any hiru now, her brother's life is at stake! :P :P
Who has a crush on Samantha?: No one that I know of.

Realisation

My realisation always dawns upon me with amateur poetic words.

"I've been through it before, yet it feels somewhat new,
Though I keep wanting more, I know my days are few.
The promises I made are broken without cause;
My future tarries laid - I'm stepping into loss."


:D... 'tis a great work of art, don't you think?

Last etcs

Ichigo Ichi E!!! from Emu's blog. By the way, what on earth is Ichigo Ichi E?

Last Cigarette: About two years ago, when I was dared by my 10 year old cousins. It was a taka worth of puffs, followed by two taka worth of ice-cream to get rid of the stink. Don't ask.
Last Alcoholic Drink: Haven't had any since I was born
Last Car Ride: Coming home after our mischievous calls
Last Kiss: Was it Amira or Salman... hmm... either way - from some cutie.
Last Good Cry: don't recall either
Last Library Book: To kill a Mockingbird
Last book bought: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Last Movie Seen in Theatres: This, I cannot tell - way too embarrassing! I was forced in and didn't watch half of it. However, I can proudly say that the one before that was Pirates 3.
Last Movie Rented: Do not rent. I only borrow from others. Much cheaper, don't you think?
Last Cuss Word Uttered: Probably the S word. Trying to get rid of it.
Last Baverage Drank: Water.
Last Food Consumed: Jorda. Orange rice like substance with nuts.
Last Crush: Hmm... cannot disclose.
Last Phone Call: I am sure Flynn can tell you all about that. :P
Last TV Show Watched: Friends. I was bored.
Last Time Showered: Umm.
Last Shoes Worn: Black sandals with too little of heels.
Last CD Played: Do not use CDs anymore.
Last Item Bought: A top, I think.
Last Download: Some song from Esnips.
Last Annoyance: Faisal and Salman fighting and crying over trivial issues.
Last Disappointment: Not being able to reach Ms Z on phone
Last Soda Drank: Coke
Last Thing Written: Emu's phone number for a very, very important cause.
Last Words Spoken: 'kotha bolbe'. hehehe... repeating Ma's words to Baba.
Last Sleep: 4 hours ago
Last Ice Cream Eaten: Forgot
Last Chair Sat In: sitting in computer chair right now
Last Webpage Visited: Emu's blog

Entertaining Experiences

Though the girls are virtually dead right now, it is absolutely necessary for me to share my little telephone encounter with Emu and Flynn. I have to say, I might try it again, just to hear the confusion in the victim's voice. I knew it would be good, but things turned out to be better than expected. I will never forget this day - it was just too hilarious!

Well, we went to a house with lots of little kids just to pay an Eid visit, but being so close to the family, Ma wanted to stay there for a long time. There were three aunties, about twenty kids and us - three innocent, bored, young girls. We had lunch and hung around for a while, when 'the idea' hit Sum's head. It didn't exactly hit it then, it was there long before as they tried something similar on me that very morning. I am proud to say I was not fooled too much and easily figured out who the perpetrators were. By the time we got into the action, one of them left.. yeah, it was a shame. Would have been much more fun with Rad.

We planned the whole situation about seven times before deciding on a final one. Then I called Baba and found out Emu's home number and wrote it down with shaking hands. It felt too evil to be true, but hey, that's what boredom does to you. The numbers were also pressed with shaking hands. Then we waited. Eagerly.

Emu picked up. I masked my voice in some kind of Indian accent and asked for 'sister Emu'. Her response was positive, so, I carried on. I explained that my family was a new migrant from Fiji. I got her number from Ish and I wanted her to marry my imaginary depressed brethren. At one point, I could not stop laughing and had to hand the phone to sis to carry on. This happened a few times, but we still managed to fool the Martian. After a lot of 'negotiation' (seeing that I live in Rockdale!), she suggested that we meet at a GJ not far away from her house. This was getting way too funny. Anyway, we hung up and called back to confess it was just us. Apperantly, miss Emu was 'sure' it was us and was about to call us right then!

That was just one of them. Rad was present for the other one and she laughed her head off every time Flynn said something. We went by the same identity and insisted that she was the perfect one for the depressed guy. We had a different, yet, all the more amusing, conversation, and I even succeeded to make her talk to Mr J (this was also played by a girl, for all those cautious kids out there). It sort of started to fall apart near the end, so we decided to reveal our identity. She could not guess who we were even with ten guesses. Therefore, it became our duty to fill in the clueless girl. Yes, she was surprised.

We called Ms Z, sis of Rad, too. But, she wasn't home and of all the people, her hubby picked up. Nevertheless, we kept it cool and innocently told him to pass on the message. She would be waiting for a call from Ms Fatima from Rockdale. Oh well, opens up possibilities for the rest of us, right?

Revived... and Returned

It has been an awfully long time since I last posted, but I am back again and do intend to stay for a while. This is one of the pathetic ways I am planning to spend my much awaited holiday in order to not be bored out of my brains, even though I don't think I will get a reader any time soon. As far as I know, all of you girls fled this land long time ago. Oh what the heck... this is a free country and I refuse to be pressured into leaving for good!

(Oh my God... oh my Merciful Great Lord! I just checked the date in my last entry.. and... man what a coincidence! The last time I wrote in here was exactly a year ago - December 11th! I swear I did not do this on purpose.)

So many things happened in the past year - it would not be fair to sum it all up in one tiny post. I have had people entering and leaving my life and bonds strengthened and broken. Well, I guess all of them contributed their part in building me up. By the way, apparently, I have become a bit more organised this year, but not enough to last me through the rest of high school. Will make an effort to be better.

So, currently, I have three blogs and one facebook to maintain. Will it work? Or will I ditch this one again? Find out... after the break.

Update: LamZity

Its been too long to stay away from the blogging world, so I'm back again! Ramadan was really good for me this year, I enjoyed it. Everything was going smooothly and I was feeling almost completely serene. This feeling, however, went away as soon as the month hit its end :(. So now I am back to myself... messy... disorganised... sad-lifed girl.

One good news though: I was selected to be a peer support leader for next year. That means I'll get to boss the year 7s around as much as I like...lol. We are getting our badges soon inshaallah. But it sort of is a lot of hassle, coming to school early... lunchtimes booked up.. leaving late. But I think it will push me to be a bit more organised.

All three of the Amin sisters are now wedded!! Hopefully we will have their wedding parties here again **hint** **hint**. This year has been filled with weddings! I didn't mind it though. Enjoying while I can. I have a feeling this season will take a break now. No weddings for a long time again :(.

Everyone's stopping blogging now. 'Tis so boring here nowadays. Hope to have you all back. DAGGERS: no excuses for you now!!

Holidays are coming up. Pray for me. I need a complete revolution in my organisational skills and time management skills :((!

BACK-NESS

Its been so long since I logged in... I almost forgot my password! Since everyone decided to re-activate themselves I just thought why not! So.. here I am.. (don't go away now)..

Next update: hopefully after Ramadan

Until then: HAVE A GREAT RAMADAN!!

buzzz

KNOCK KNOCK
HOW R U ALL?

Finding Myself

I see a mirror hung in that wall
But I don't think its working well,
i stoof infront and tried to look -
I tripped over, the mirror fell.

I see the water in the sea
But I don't think its very clear
When I leaned and tried to look
The wave splashed it away from here

I got a spoon and held it close
My breath steamed the surface, so,
I wiped it clean right away
But the spoon dropped to the floor

I can't see myself anywhere
I asked for help from the wise
Look within your heart, he said,
And that, I think sure would suffice.

11/04/06