My insignificant life.

I completely cleaned out my room yesterday. The main intention was to clean out the space under my bed, because, I changed my bedsheet to a simple cream coloured one. And somehow, it seemed very out of place as it draped over boxes, newspapers, shoes stashed in the small rectangular space. This realisation led me to approximately three hours of intensive cleaning - which included dusting and reorganising nearly everything. I realised that I had two options - I could either live in the mess (or somehow try, and fail, to shuffle everything so that they fit) or I could start to throw things out. That is when another realisation (I've had quite a few of them yesterday!) hit me - I have suffered from mild disposophobia for the past ten years of my life! I say mild, because it hasn't yet affected my hygene or physical safety. But you must admit - keeping to-do lists from the time when I was eleven does not exactly qualify for a perfectly healthy mind...

So now, I am enjoying the perfect view of broad green leaves of my tree under a cloudy sky, sitting inside a clean room, on top of a clean bed. I think I used to think that mess is cosy. Not exactly sure when that perspective changed, but I think I much rather enjoy neatness now! Now all I need is some things on my wall. The only problem is - I'm still short of money (as always). However, I started to work at a tutoring centre now, and I'm hoping the extra $$ will somehow make my life better than it already is. :)

In other news:
- B is coming back today!!
- I think I've stopped liking Big Bang Theory the way I used to like it before. They never are as good as the first season. :(
- Uni starts in 2 weeks!
- I saw a mother duck with her kids, trying to swim in a highly tiding area yesterday.
- Mubarak stepped down, Queensland flooded.

And then it goes again

I am very pleased to announce that life has nearly resumed its regularity. Or normality, I should say. I have began to tutor both of students again. I'm positive about getting a few more, hopefully my positivity will yield some real results. I have finally figured out a way to wear the hijab slightly neater than I have been in the past. My clothes sense has improved, according to Marisa. Let's just hope she's right! I am paying off my debt to my siblings (which were caused due to lack of funds at the end of last year and beginning of this year) and hopefully, soon, I can enjoy things with my own money. I'm going to play tennis with Sum tomorrow evening, and every other friday evenings (hopefully). I'm really looking forward to my course and working with ISOC at uni again. All I need now is to reconnect with my creator. And life would be perfect. :)

HOWEVER, I have a cycle to my life. I agree with Shakespeare that all the world is a stage and all the men and women are players in it. I also believe that I have seven stages too. However, my seven stages seem to come in a cycle, instead of a road.

1. Life is perfect.
2. Few bumps come along the way, bumps that are smooth-able.
3. More bumps along the way, a bit harder to fix.
4. I give up, or I screw up due to my own faults.
5. Life becomes horrible.
6. I try to restart my life, going through a lot of tears.
7. Things get better.

Then life becomes perfect again. Therefore, I can honestly say that there are hard times ahead. I'm only at the beginning of the cycle again. 

Into the Ocean - Blue October

I heard this song last night, and I've been listening to it for a while. There is a certain amazing factor to it, I think its the eerie feeling. The feeling that you have jumped off, and there is no way of jumping back again. That suffocated feeling.


I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard 
My ship would leave the country 
But I'd rather swim ashore 

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again 
Wish I was much more masculine 
Maybe then I could learn to swim 
Like 'fourteen miles away' 

Now floating up and down 
I spin, colliding into sound 
Like whales beneath me diving down 
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out 
The lighthouse beam has just run out 
I'm cold as cold as cold can be 
Be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down


Now waking to the sun 
I calculate what I had done 
Like jumping from the bow, yeah 
Just to prove that I knew how, yeah 
It's midnight's late reminder of 
The loss of her, the one I love 
My will to quickly end it all 
So thought no end my need to fall 

Into the ocean, end it all 
Into the ocean, end it all 
Into the ocean, end it all 
Into the ocean, end it all 

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 

I want to swim away but don't know how 
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean 
Let the waves up take me down 
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah 
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down 
Let the rain come down 


Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
(In to space) 
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) 
I thought of just your face

Same Mistake

Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go.
Hello, hello. There is no place I cannot go.
My mind is muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show?
I lose the track that loses me, so here I go.
And so I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night.
Said he'd seen my enemy. Said he looked just like me,
So I set out to cut myself and here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.


(James Blunt)

PS

I went on PostSecret after a long time. I like it, I guess its partly because I can relate to some, partly because its secrets of strangers. Its interesting to try to imagine the person with the smallest amount of information available. :)

Cute secret:

'Even though I haven't found you yet, I take comfort in knowing you haven't found me either. Be patient.'