Rainy days and Mondays

i have an exam tomorrow it is raining i am having my first coffee in two days and it feels strangely refreshing my room is a mess and it has not been such a mess in about a week or two so the mess feels intrusive there are always too many people in our house so i would rather study at the library but i hate walking in the rain with a deadline in mind so i would rather not go to the library i also do not know what shoes i should wear when i go out because all my shoes seem to be drenched because they were left out in the rain accidentally i also accidentally dropped in a few blocks of cooking chocolate in my coffee so it should taste like mocha but i cannot yet taste the chocolate maybe i will be able to taste it at the end all at once my mum keeps waking up in the middle of the night and is not able to go back to sleep out of worrying about some things that she cannot control and she cannot control her sleeping patterns either or the way she feels she feels dizzy from time to time and feels like she would faint she is such a strong woman that i have never heard her say things like this before on top of that she is fasting today i am worried about her i have been sleeping too much lately because when i start to worry about things i cannot control i feel that i should forget about them and the easiest way to forget is to lose consciousness and all other methods of losing consciousness besides sleeping are haram so i have been sleeping a lot i have a song stuck in my head it goes how do you like your eggs in the morning i like mine with a kiss up or down something something frown as long as i get my kiss how do you like your toast in the morning i like mine with a hug dark or light the world is alright as long as i get my hug little z knocked on my door this morning and started calling me she has not done that in a while she had one of my magnets and wanted to put it on my whiteboard then she saw a few other things in my messy room and started exploring she saw the fan and screamed out fan and wanted me to turn it on but i told her it was too cold then she saw an empty juice packet and pretended to drink juice she makes me laugh then she climbed into my bed with me and saw my phone and wanted to call her mum but when her mum did not pick up we went through my photos and she named all the people she knew she especially loved seeing photos of little m my coffee is beginning to taste a little like mocha now but it is also beginning to finish i should really clean my room and while i am at it i should clean up my life too are you still reading is this annoying it is still raining i have my first exam tomorrow i really wanted to do well this semester because i really would like to graduate as soon as possible but then as soon as i started studying a lot i also had a fear at the back of my mind that my efforts will not pay off and so i started sleeping a lot because i did not like having that thought because that thought is neither legitimate nor illegitimate and since i could neither prove nor disprove it immediately it lingered but i know that if i do not do something about it today i would terribly regret it tomorrow in fact i probably will still regret things tomorrow but heck at least i will not regret it as much as i would have if i do not do some work now i read a story by scott fitzgerald he is the guy who wrote a great gatsby i hated a great gatsby because gatsby is a pathetic loser who has no life his entire life revolves around waiting for a girl he also wrote the curious case of benjamin button which had an interesting plotline but also had that element of lost love the short story that i read was called a new leaf and it too had that element this guy must have been dumped really badly there is a movie about his life i should watch it but i really liked one quote from the story i actually liked a few quotes but this one quote is what drew me to finding the whole story in the first place it goes her heart sank into her shoes as she realised at last how much she wanted him no matter what his past was no matter what he had done which was not to say  that she would ever let him know but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone else she had ever met i liked the quote because i can relate to it very well in the sense that for the longest time i have not met anyone who has moved me more chemically than anyone else i had ever met a lot of the times it does not have to be someone of the opposite gender that you are romantically attracted to like this woman in the story it can just be a friend but they must be interesting enough to change you beyond who you used to be although if it is someone of the opposite gender then romantic attraction is definitely the way to go because friendzone is actually a horrible place to live in so this is how thoughts run through my head without full stops or semi colons is this how thoughts run through your head too are you still reading is this annoying i need to go and brush my teeth it stopped raining but i still have an exam tomorrow.