Life is bittersweet

I have been hearing of quite a few deaths lately. People from my parents generation passing away, a twenty-four year old just randomly not waking up in the morning - things like that. Apart from the general horrific situation of the world, these things remind you that life isn't all fun and play. I may very well not wake up tomorrow morning. And then there are other different kinds of sadnesses around me - loneliness, insecurity, frustration, fear - things that exist in your head, but are very real. Some people that I love are experiencing at least one of these at the moment.

But amongst death and sadnesses, I have been happy. I have been surrounded by lovely people who are making me feel very grateful to have them in my life. I can feel the blessings in my life, which is often hard to feel, hence, is a blessing in itself. I still have annoying chores to do here and there, for example, a task that I have procrastinated from for the past three months in currently sitting in another window. But, the little annoying tasks seem manageable when the big things in life are in place.

Sometimes it feels like we have mastered a particular skill or a topic, because we are around the same group of people with similar mindsets and skill levels. And then we are thrown into a mix where we realise that we know zilch in reality. Instead of feeling disoriented with life, it's important to embrace the challenge.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

I am currently sipping on a cup of green tea. It's not as bad as it tasted the last time I had it - I am trying to remind myself of its numerous benefits with every sip. Adding lots of lemon and a spoonful of honey helped too. I am trying to get myself in healthier habits... not sure how long it'll last.

Lots of things are happening lately so I am trying to take it one day at a time. I have been feeling the need of clarifying and revising my ideas regarding faith and methodologies of practising it. Our life is too short to do things without knowing why you're doing them. It is also too short to live with your head under sand. I have also been feeling a lot less stressed lately. Paraphrasing one of the newest people in my life: Things are only as stressful as you make them.

Something wonderful happened yesterday - SB gave me a surprise gift. I have been making dua for something for the past few months, and with that gift, the problem has been solved. He is such an amazingly generous person mashaallah! I think I was too happy to properly be able to express how happy I was, but A said he would know anyway.

Dua is amazing. You directly ask the One who is in control of every single thing, the One who is also the Most Loving and Answerer of Prayers. It's not possible for anyone to care about you more than the amount and quality of care He has for you. It's not possible for anyone to love you more than the amount and quality of love He has for you. He also knows what is absolutely best for you. Recently, I have realised how great reliable people are (I'm not one of them yet, but inshaallah I'll get there one day!). You can trust them very easily and know that you wouldn't be disappointed. But at the same time, humans are fallible, and they can only meet a certain amount of expectations placed upon them. Allah is the most reliable, perfectly reliable.

7/02

I was skimming through some of my most recent posts and I came across one that listed reasons for my sadness at that time. Alhamdulillah, it made me smile to notice that I have regained career directions and I have begun to come across people who have hope for the world. Exactly opposite of the things that were making me sad. Maybe that's why I feel so happy lately. I am still trying to balance out my life, but I think it will be a constant struggle. My latest technique is to take these steps:
- List the aspects of my life that needs attention.
- Allocate time (if it's something that must be done regularly) or tasks (if applicable) for each.
- Do them. :P

I heard an excellent lecture by Harry Fear today. If you don't know him already - he is a British journalist that lives in Gaza. He doesn't identify himself with any religion, but he mentioned that if he was religious, he would be Muslim, because of the way that Islam deals with injustices. One important thing he mentioned is that about five years ago, he had no idea about Gaza, possibly not even where it's located. The fact that it is never too late to start finding out and working to remove an injustice. He talked about 3 aspects: activism, fighting against injustice with the means that you have and feeling the pain of others, and the fact that all of these aspects are rooted in core, specific principles of Islam. Listen to it if you want to have half an hour of awesome streaming into your brain. He would make an excellent Muslim. :)

My email never seems to be completely cleared out. However, I do believe I am getting organised lately. The fact that I waste a lot of time doing useless things is hitting me. I need to change my perception of relaxation and fun and suit these to be defined according to whatever situation I am in. Otherwise, you need to spend extra time on those, and there isn't just enough time for commitments alone, let alone extra time.

One of the signs of the Day of Judgement is that time passes quickly. I can feel it so well.

Note to Self

• If it takes less than five minutes, do it right now. No point in delaying things for five days at the expense of five minutes.
• Stop talking when there is nothing to talk about.
• Life is too short for anxiety.