life.

I have been reading a book called 'The Other Half of Happiness' on my Kindle. This book is a break for me, from the people around me, from my own swinging mood, from the loneliness that comes with M being with someone else but also the lack of concentration from my work that comes with M being in the room. I have an assignment due today and I can't finish it on time. Doing things now is so, so different than before. In my parents' house, I could've easily glided downstairs and got some food while I do my work. I was left alone for longer. My parents understood the importance of giving me the time to do my work. But then, I was also younger and they needed me less. Its definitely different now when I go over there. In this house, there's more kids (temporarily) and the adults seem to have no work that they bring home. My parents always had work to bring home because they're both teachers. If not work studies, they would have islamic studies to do. But there had definitely been a part of the day, every single day, dedicated to studying. This is not the case here. So I feel a bit uncomfortable. Is that why I feel uncomfortable though? I don't know. Sometimes I can't wait till M grows up so that I can teach her about all the wonderful things about life but sometimes I dread that time because life is a test. Sometimes I can't wait to go back to work, to help little minds learn, and at other times, I am so glad I don't have to deal with little monsters every single day any more. I wish I had a fridge or a cupboard in my room, filled with food. I am hungry, but not sure if I am hungry through my mind or my body. I don't think I am making sense any more. This assignment is massive. I don't think I can finish today, but I still need to work, and I hate the way people younger than me feel the need to tell me to do my work. I had a kid, I am doing my masters and nothing else in my life has stopped. I feel like sometimes these thoughts come from adults implanting stuff like that in kids. I also feel like my thoughts go in spirals and I am goin' a li'l crazy. Is it due to M or due to this subject? Or due to that thing I always complain about to B? Can't wait to go away in two weeks but I also feel a little guilty for going away so much. I need my space but also feel guilty about taking up so much space. I miss writing poetry. Was I ever any good? Not sure. It was a good release though.