Dear M,
I miss you tonight. Here I am at my mother's house with your little sister for some much needed rest while you are with your dad and his family, and while I spent the day relaxing, working and being grateful that you are not here because I wouldn't be able to give time to you, I kept thinking about you. I kept thinking about your "mamma koi?" and "baby koi?", thinking that you probably miss us too.
You kick up a fuss before sleep these days. Your baby sister is only five days old and you have been too excited to sleep most of these five days. She came out at 4.10 PM in the afternoon and I spent the night at the hospital, my first night away from you. It made me sad to hear that you hung around downstairs, laying down in baby A's bassinet during bedtime, all alone. But it made me feel better to hear that you did eventually go up with your Abbu, do your bedtime routine and fall sound asleep.
I was at home with baby A by the next afternoon. It was a windy afternoon. You spent most of it with your Abbu again while I settled down. We had lots of people coming over that night. It was probably 10 PM before we headed upstairs for bed. But you were far too excited to sleep! You drove me crazy, but you also made me feel so, so grateful to have you as my daughter. "Mamma sad?" "Mamma cry cry?" "Mamma, hug!" "Baby ador!" "M___ help!" You are such a big blessing, little M. How can I ever be thankful enough that Allah has blessed me with such an insightful two year old?
That night, we finally fell asleep around 1.30 AM.
I was very sick the day after. It was raining very heavily outside, we were supposed to come and stay with my mum for a few weeks that day (lots of packing to do!), and I just couldn't stop my insides from coming out. You stuck by me most of that day I think. We finally did go down and have breakfast around 11 AM. After moving around super slowly, resting, packing and lots of feeds for A, we finally left for mum's around 4 PM. You stayed up till 1.30ish that night as well. You drove me a little crazy again, and I was beginning to wonder if this is what 'two under three' meant.
You went out with your Abbu to the library the day after. I missed you and then we had some quality time together. The next two days - you were at childcare, one of your favourite places, at your "teacher nanu basha". On Friday, you came home with gifts from your teacher nanu - a kitchen suitcase for yourself and some clothes for baby A. We had an interesting conversation that evening:
M: "suitcase kinte hobe" (need to buy suitcase)
Me: "kano suitcase kinte hobe?" (Why do we need to buy a suitcase?)
M: "A_____ babyr jonno, elephant suitcase! (For baby A, elephant suitcase!) M_____ blue suitcase, A_____ baby elephant suitcase!"
This wasn't the first time you surprised me with how quickly you adapted to your role of being a big sister.
You needed some cuddles this morning. And every time I said that you are going to your dadu's house for the day you said you wanted to stay with me. You are having fun there now, I'm sure (I checked!). And here I am, missing you, missing your hugs.
You make me so proud and humble me at the same time, because deep in my heart I know that I did nothing to deserve the sweet, wonderful little girl I have. You are not even two and a half, and I already need you so much more than you need me. I know that its such a big blessing that I cannot be thankful enough for. May Allah bless you in this world and in the next with ease, happiness, love and all the wonderfulness of Jannah.
With love that's way too much for my heart,
Ammi
