Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Bared soul



Sometimes, I feel like God made this world specifically for me. Every single thing has been put in their places to show me something, to help me through life. For the past few days, I have been feeling awful. My heart and my outward actions have not been aligned. I felt like the biggest hypocrite on Earth, hitting my lowest point and spreading a big smile on my face at the same time. I felt so ungrateful, yet, when time came to be grateful, I forgot about it. After what seems like a very, very long time, I truly hated myself.

I got up yesterday morning, I told myself, my life will have to be turned around. And I can do so. I listened to the Qur'an, went to Tajweed and Arabic classes, talked about interesting and useful matters with Sum. But when the test came, I failed.

I got up this morning, and said the same. I read Quran. (Oh, the Arabic lessons are paying off. I recognised quite a few words today. Including 'door' - which I never would be able to guess from common sense.) I fell asleep, even though I told myself I can't. I got out of the house at about 9.30 to fulfill my commitments. On the way, I saw a lady in a wheelchair. She was crossing the road with me. SubhanAllah, the distance that took her about 30 seconds to cross took me about 5. I could cut across the road, I could run if a car comes to close, I could cross in the bumpiest parts and easily reach the other side safely. She had to wait to cross in the low sections especially designated for crossing, she could only go as far as her machine would take her, and had to give much more effort to go across curves. At one point, we crossed together. And for the first time in days, I felt completely grateful. My heart melted at the thought of how perfect God has made my body. I often complain about it, but, in reality, it is truly perfect. I have no diseases, no disabilities, nothing. Alhamdulillah.

And then, on the same day, today, I talked to a few of my friends. They are all going through some troubled times, each with a different problem. And I was thinking about how great my life is compared to theirs. We are all humans, we all have shared something in common very recently, but, my life has been made so much better! I have left the pressure and uncertainity of HSC behind, I have a beautiful, healthy family who stick together, helping each other out whenever someone is in need, I have so much support around me. Alhamdulillah.

The thing is, I can complain as much as I want about pretty much anything. But when I look at the positive side of life, I can't find anything to complain about. Life is so beautiful. So, so beautiful. I hope I can fulfill the purpose of my creation. Otherwise, this beautiful life will be a complete waste. Pray, so that I can learn from my mistakes.

2 comments:

  1. You are truly a very special spirit <3
    fg

    ReplyDelete
  2. So are you, fg, and you inspire me to be!

    ReplyDelete