Ecstatic.

Okay, I know I said I will not post till after exams, but this is a special case! Just a quick news - and no more, inshaAllah! A few days ago, I emailed a few of my favourite nasheed artists with some lyrics. One of the emails bounced back and I have not heard any replies from Dawud Wharnsby's facebook message. Of course, these people are very busy and I do not expect a quick reply!


But, to my surprise, when I checked my email this morning, a reply to 'lyrics for Zain Bikha' was sitting there. My heart jumped as far and as fast as it could. 


This was my email:


Assalamu Alaikum Zain Bikha,

The first time I have heard your songs was when I came to Australia at the age of 11. I loved your songs for a while, for 2-3 years. Then, I moved away from Allah (swt) and stopped a lot of my previous practises, for example, listening to nasheeds. Recently, I have, alhamdulillah, returned to Him again and one of my friends gave me the link to First You Need the Love. I must say, there have been a tremendous improvement and I started to love your songs again! I often listen to First You Need the Love, Who I am, I Remember Your Smile and Mum and Dad. Now, at 19, along with Dawud Wharnsby Ali and Talib Al Habib, you are again one of my favourite nasheed singers.

I have recently started to write songs myself. Since I am a female, there is no way that I can publish any songs. I was wondering if you take lyrics and sing them? I would love to get a response from you! Here is my most recent lyrics. I sincerely hope and pray that Allah (swt) accepts your dawah, and that I can help you to do so! I know you are a very busy person, but I would really appreciate a feedback on these lyrics! :)

Verse 1:

A thousand words clog my head, as a
Million thoughts suffocate my mind;
I cannot sleep, I cannot wake up,
I know its too late to look behind.

Pre-chorus:

I wonder, I'm fearful,
About what the future holds here,
I don't know if I am enough
To bear it on my shoulders.

Chorus:

Oh Lord, give me strength,
Allah, make me brave,
Let me remember
You're there to save me.

Let me gather up these negative thoughts,
Light a fire and burn;
Oh God, give me faith.

Let me return.

Verse 2:

I try to clear those letters up, I,
I pick them up to throw away,
They cling to me like frustration, and
Like a broken record, they play

Pre-chorus 2:

They stay, won't let go,
I utter hateful nonsense still;
Then I realise the only way
Those words would leave would be
If I killed, I murdered them
With words.

I raise my hands.

Chorus.

JazakAllahu Khairan! May Allah increase your rewards by manifold!

And this was the reply that I got:

In the name of God, The Beneficent, The Merciful

As-Salaam-u-Alaikum

Thank you so much for your e-mail and wonderful words of encouragement. We, at Zain Bhikha Studios truly appreciate your support and the sole purpose of all our productions is to inspire the hearts towards Allah / God.

The lyrics you have sent through are very good Masha-Allah and we will definitely keep this in mind for future productions.

As a gift to you, we would like to send you a complementary set of all Zain Bhikha's CDs. Can you please provide me with a physical address to send this to you?

Please remember us in your prayers and keep in touch. May Allah grant you happiness and peace, always.

 Please stay in touch on our official website www.zainbhikha.comand do not forget to become a fan on www.facebook.com/zainbhikhaofficial

You can also purchase all Zain Bhikha’s songs from www.cdbaby.comor http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/ZainBhikha

Sincerely,

--

Now, of course, I realised it probably wasn't written by Zain himself, but hey! Its a wonderful email! Maybe, after all, there is a chance that something will be done with my work? Maybe my dreams will come true!

Just had to put it out there.

Travelling Thoughts

When I was little, I absolutely hated red. My favourite colour was baby blue and baby pink. At elevenish, purple became my favourite. Then somewhere along the way, black, green and brown made their way into my heart. But very recently, I started to love red, with a passion. It started with red glass bangles, then red jewellery, now, I have a thing for red clothes too! I am planning (ie: dreaming, no realistic steps taken yet) red-ise my room sometime - with red translucent curtains, red candles, red photo frames and red cushions. Yes, sometime soon... when my lazy self can be bothered and has enough money to do so.

This realisation dawned upon me yet again, yesterday, at the sari party. It was held in my house, even though, it was not technically 'my' party. I had my eyes on one my mum's saris that I wanted to wear for a very long time, even though its old, faded and frayed around the edges. Its black, white and red, has a very old design, and is of a very comfortable material. Being very disorganised, it wasn't until last week that I realised that I don't have a black blouse to wear with it and its far too late to borrow one and none of my black tops are suitable. So I went hunting in my mum's cupboard and I am glad I did so! I found a beautiful red and white sari, another very old one (but very well taken care of). In about ten minutes, my excessive enthusiasm drove me to match all the bits and pieces and have a trial run. White alone looks horrible on me, but I realised that white and another colour changes things completely! Next time I buy a sari, it shall be white-and-something-else.

My mother's beautiful sari; the bangles I wore. See why I love red?

We had so much fun! All pinned up, walking around, getting our make-up done by those who can (while the rest of us became amazed at the wonders of those chemicals; even though I am a girl, I cannot apply make-up like it should be applied. Let's just say, I like it natural?), stuffing ourselves with delicious food brought by everyone, playing silly games, taking more than a thousand photos (literally). We are so used to wearing glamorous saris, every time there is an occasion to wear one, because these occasions are very occasional! But yesterday was a chance to bring out the beauty in simpleness. I realised yet again how beautiful my friends are. We usually don't see each other in makeup, jewellery or hair. In times like this, we learn to appreciate our hijab a little more. Our beauty is so special, only a very few have the right to see it. 

I think, every girl with respect for their bodies has some form of expression of modesty through their clothing - a line that they never cross. Regardless of whether you refuse to pull your skirt higher than mid-thighs, or refuse to show any part of your body except for your face, or whether this line is much further or much closer, the point is - there is a line. For most people, their culture dictates this line. In some parts of the world, revealed knees are taboo, while revealed cleavages are normal in some other parts. When you break out of this cultural boundary for one reason or another, say, by growing up in a family where culture is not greatly valued, or rebelling against parents who are tightly bound by blind following of absurdities, there is a chance that your line will disappear. There is a chance that you will go to any extreme because the concept of having a line would not make sense to you. That is when you lose respect for your body.

Since we live in a global village, it is very normal that all of our cultures are slowly becoming one, especially in the western world. As a result, the lines that were drawn by cultures are slowly becoming blurred, creating confusion about what the 'norm' is. Some people call it 'freedom' - this blurring of lines. The attitude that says 'you can wear whatever you want, which can be nothing if you like'. The attitude that does not recognise clothes as an essential means of respecting one's body.

Once the line is completely gone, some begin to miss it. They want to draw a different line. It started with France (lets ignore Turkey for a while). I remember the long campaigns I took part in around 2004, trying to stop the hijab ban. The ban went ahead anyway. Now it is being debated in many other European countries, including Italy, which currently has 1.2 million Muslims. (I don't know why some people still believe that these countries are doing it for 'security reasons'. There are MANY other security measures that these nations can take, without touching religions. Ever heard of female security guards?) The French spokesman on Insight's debate on the burqa clearly said that this ban goes against French values. He initiated the bill to ban the burqa. People like him decide that they are the ones who can say what defines a nation, a culture, a person. The funny thing is, there are many nude beaches in the same country. So, let me get this straight. Some people in the world believe that there is nothing wrong with failing to recognise that their bodies should be respected, yet, something wrong with those who don't fail to do so.

And they call themselves intelligent human beings!

And then there are some of us who could not care less. We are so selfish! Unless something directly affects us, unless a disaster strikes, we think its okay to live our sheltered lives and forget about the rest of the world. Sometimes, we think its okay to destroy our own lives - that is how selfish we are. Snap out of it!  

N was here yesterday. She is in her third year of university, and has been through quite a lot of what I am seeing myself and my friends go through right now. She lived a perfectly happy life in school, with her close friends, who never crossed their boundaries, living their sheltered lives. Then they got to university, turned eighteen, discovered alcohol and men. N was never drawn into the traps of alcohol, but she did try to fit in in other ways. She eventually figured out that its not worth it, that the 'image' does not matter. M once told me that she wanted to spend her 18th completely drunk. Yet, even at the young age when she told me (I think we were 14? 15?), I remember asking her if she really wants to spend such a special day of her life in such a horrible state, from which she won't remember anything later, and might regret a lot?  Her 18th passed this year, I don't know what she did. 

M, N, D, S, D, A, T - They were such good friends of mine! I remember the surprise birthday party they threw me when I turned 14. M took me around the school in order to steal some time, they took me to the hockey field when I was almost sure that 'something fishy' is a 'surprise' party. M was the most responsible person in our group. Coming from a fairly religious, close-knit catholic family, she became the 'mother' of our little group. I remember her telling me that she is not allowed to get a boyfriend before university. She still doesn't have one (I'm yet to prepare myself for that day when she will) but she has been out partying a lot. She still has not completely lost her head, but I admit, I am a little scared for her. I feel like I am losing her as she loses herself. (Now I know how parents feel when their babies grow up!)

I have not yet seen T (except for once, from very far away) since 2006. A have changed for the better - into a mature, beautiful young lady. D and N - As expected, I guess. The other D - has lost her vehement passion for science and is now earning a lot of dollars. 

S - We've grown apart and then became closer. I know how much you have in you and I don't want to lose you to this irresponsible world. In ten years, I hope to visit you in America, see you in your dream job, with the love of your life next to you (if you've found him, otherwise, don't worry about it :P). What everyone else thinks is 'fun' does not have to be 'fun'. I hope you figure that out someday, soon, just like N. :)

I thought I was talking about colours in the beginning! How on earth did I end up on such a depressing topic?

Anyhoo - I must nerd it out until the 11th of November. Please tell me to go and study if you see me online from now till then! I shall leave you with a cow's lens. 

---

PS: I do not believe in cultural boundaries either. I believe in religious boundaries, because, if you believe in God, you believe His way to be the truth. And once you believe that something is the truth, if you are an honest person, you will follow it. But 'cultural boundaries' can vary and are not based upon a single 'truth'. 

Hello word, hope you're listening

"Forgive me if I'm young,

Or speaking out of turn..."

Something in my mind, heard a few days ago in a show.

The psychologists among my readers (or my mother, or sister) might be alarmed at the following poetry. Therefore, I feel obliged to explain this creation.

1. Smruthi recently wrote a dark poem while listening to a dark song.

2. I have been listening to 'Give me a sign' by Breaking Benjamin (the acapella version is quite sad).

3. I have plenty of things to do.

4. I de-stress by letting my emotions run wild on insignificant topics. The following are a few examples:

http://lamzblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/fragmentary-blues.html - The poem at the beginning was written the night before a 20% exam. Alhamdulillah, I went better than expected in the exam.

http://lamzblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/in-search-of-dream.html - Written 2 days before another exams. Results were approximately what I expected.

http://lamzblog.blogspot.com/2010/06/waiting-for-rain.html - I remember writing this before an exam too. Can't remember which one.

There was another poem I remember writing, the day before my maths extension 2 hsc exam. It began with: 'The dark radiance of sin emanate from her hands'. 

As you can see, the darkness is not due to permanent scars in my mind, in need of extensive study. Just creative juices leaking out via bad poetry. 

Frustration of the Struggle

My soul was created,
Cherished in heaven
until it was requested for.


From light to darkness have I travelled,
From freedom to constriction;
Commanded to latch onto her body,
Let my body swim as it grew
Grow as it swam
Until the water could not bear me any more.
I descended from darkness into the light.


They forced me on this journey, without my consent.
I cried.
I screamed.
Unable to speak, I let the pitch of my voice let them know.
They forced me on this journey, without my consent.
Without my consent.


She smiled at me.
He smiled at me.
They took me in their arms,
smiling.


I wept.


Then, 
I grew as I learnt
Learnt as I grew.
The One replaced my tears with smiles
My eyes sparked with hope
My face glowed in anticipation
Pearly white teeth never to be put away
Little feet pattered down the hall


Soft, unstained, virgin soul remained
As if it had never descended from above.
At times I scratched at it.
Yet, it bounced back,
As if no nails can ever rip it apart.
A little white lie
A little secret from my mother
A little push in the playground
It didn't matter.


I grew, as I learnt, I learnt, as I grew.
I became a woman, remained a girl at heart.


A little white lie
A little secret from my mother
A little push in the playground
Still remained.
Started to scratch my soul.
They dug their nails
Hoping nothing have changed.
They forgot,
I became a woman.


The impossible occured,
Roughness evaded.


A little white lie
Became dark deception.
A little secret from my mother
Thwarted me.
A little push in the playground
Became hatred.


I crawled an inch forward
Ran ten steps back.
I climbed a plant leaf
Dropped from the canopy of a rainforest.


seven years have passed.
Yet, I am still hovering
Dropping
backwards
Every time I crawl an inch forward.


--


p.s: The title should be 'hello world, hope you're listening. But the typo sort of makes it a cool line!


p.p.s: Its 10.10.10! 

Before it explodes

Disclaimer: This does not reflect my current state, just my attempt at creativity.

When the sun leaves your world,
And you wish you could
pull on that last strand of its rays -
pull it close to your heart;
Instead,
You realise,
millions of clouds are replacing its spot,
and you can't move your fingers,
and you can't move your lips,
and you can't feel your hair on your shoulders;
Yet you feel a heavy weight,
waiting to crush your body,
resting itself on your back;
And when your tears drip to your lips,
then your knees,
then your feet;
And you question your existence,

Remember:
[insert happy memories here]

Dead star shine, light up the sky

Sum showed me this song a few days ago. I'm posting the acapella version, since I like it the best. This girl has a beautiful voice, she reaches inside me. This song - I can't explain how - but, at the moment, I can relate to it, at least, some parts of it. Anyway, its a beautiful song.

I need to pick up my life and wash it.



I'm all out of breath, my walls are closing in
Days go by, give me a sign
Come back to the end, the shepherd of the damned

I can feel you falling away
No longer the lost, no longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive if you show me the way
Forever and ever the scars will remain
I'm falling apart, leave me here forever in the dark

Daylight dies, blackout the sky
Does anyone care? Is anybody there?
Take this life, empty inside
I'm already dead, I'll rise to fall again

I can feel you falling away
No longer the lost, no longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive if you show me the way
Forever and ever the scars will remain
I'm falling apart, leave me here forever in the dark

God, help me, I've come undone
Out of the light of the sun
God, help me, I've come undone
Out of the light of the sun

I can feel you falling away
No longer the lost, no longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive if you show me the way
Forever and ever the scars will remain

Give me a sign
There's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood

Just give me a sign
There's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood

Just give me a sign
There's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood

Forever and ever the scars will remain

A Perfect Reminder

I came across this while searching for a solution. A perfect, perfect solution. I pray and hope that this helps you too.

Poetry

'Tis a result of weather-mood synchronicity. Its raining outside.
---

Stuck in a stalemate,
Wondering if its too late to try,
To attempt
To fix the damage.
I know your heart cries.
Swimming in harsh lies, now
My thoughts betray my image.

Those bright red flowers in the front yard
Spotted doves on my windowsill
Morning sunlight through your blinds
Mean nothing when silent tears
form at the corner of our minds.

That sinking feeling lingers
Longer, as the truth sinks in,
You aren't lying when you tell me,
I hurt you more than death can.

Somebody once told me, the world was gonna roll me

Hope is what is keeping you alive. Whether you are a believer or not, it is hope that makes you get up everyday. Its what you see in the morning sun. Its what you see in a beautiful flower that grows out of sight, behind a broken wall. Its what you experience in a hug. Its what he didn't have when he left, believing he was the 'black sheep'. Its what he didn't have, when he was contemplating suicide. Its what she lacked when she took the first whiff of a cigarette, then the first taste of an illegal drug. Its what they don't feel when they let their eyes wonder too far to forbidden places. Its what he gave up when he picked up a knife to decorate it with blood. 

Or maybe its what they hoped to have. 

Words can build up hope, until it reaches the clouds and climbs on top. Until it escapes the Earth's atmosphere and wonders out into the space, towards infinity. Then, they can tear it down, crush it to the ground, until in breaks the dry earth, reaches inside, and burns in lava. Funny thing is, they don't usually realise that they are making such powerful changes.

"Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change."

Random fact: I really admire people who can sing well.