The Way I Are

Lately, things that I have been saying to people have not been making sense to them. I mean, the words make perfect sense while they are in my head, they even make sense as I speak, however, something happens along the way, and they are completely misinterpreted. I would very much like to say that it is the rest of the world that is at fault, but I think the more plausible explanation is that my brain can't read my mind. (Did that make sense?)

The more my days pass, the more I am realising that I am probably spending the best days of my life right now. Everyone has their own lives at home now, so they are mostly keeping out of my territory. But they have not stopped caring, so I am not feeling love deprived. I am not too young to understand some of the world, not too old to be cynical about everything I understand or fail to. I am experimenting with various parts of my life (appearance, degree, career, living space etc) without facing too big of consequences. I have enough money to live comfortably - not too much to waste in vain and not less enough to suffocate in restriction of freedom. (alhamdulillah x infinity!)

I rearranged my room today. I also have a different bed. I finally have a mattress - I slept on a foam for nine and a half years; way too long for my back to stay sane. I also have a duck wheatbag that I am too lazy to heat up. Instead, I am continuing to sleep with two thick blankets. My room looks new and awesome :D. (even though it hasn't been cleaned yet...).

I realised I am crying much less than I used to. Worrying, because, sometimes, tears are good. My tear gland seems to be non-existent nowadays. Like, A is still my absolute best friend, and she understands me the most, in fact, she might even know me better than I know myself. She still giggled with me when I showed her a certain message, advised me when I asked her about something I never thought I would ask anyone, hugged me when I needed it. But, when she was leaving, I did not shed a tear. Not one drop. How is that possible?

P.S: The photo is the 16th photo from my 365 project. I am amazed that I have kept it up for two weeks and two days.