Saturday, May 18, 2013

Grudges, Misunderstandings, Forgiveness- and all that jazz

I got hurt by someone I love this morning and it slowed my productivity by a mile. All I felt like doing was hide under the covers and cry tears of annoyance. And, after I did some hiding, and some crying and some writing, I realised a few things. (This is going to be a YM type writing, so if you're allergic to mushiness, leave now or forever hold your peace.)

The person who hurt me has no idea that I got hurt. Every time I try to talk to said-person about a certain thing that he/she said that hurt me, it always ends up down the wrong road. She (for the purposes of this writing, lets keep it to a female, but read 'he/she') misunderstands me somehow, and I'm never able to make my point with her. For a long time, I thought the problem was with me. I thought that I am not able to express myself well, which is why there are so many misunderstandings. Then I came across some people who understood me so well that I didn't feel the need of putting up a guard. Its like neither of us felt that it is possible to have hidden meanings behind words, so we just assume the best possible apparent meaning. And if that apparent meaning isn't the best possible one, we would talk about it as soon as possible. I got so used to being so lucky that I forgot that people often do hide what they mean, so, when those people in my life began popping up again, I fell back into walking down the wrong road.

My point is - there are some people that you will have a clear line of communication with, and some with whom you will have no idea what book they are on, let alone being on the same page. Ideally, you would stop interacting with these people because they get on your nerves so much that you feel like murdering them every time they open their mouth. But, that is not possible. Especially if you love them so much.

This is the way I see it now. After I get hurt, I can do one of two things - I can deal with it with that person or I can deal with it myself. (There's no third option, because you always need to deal with things.) Doing either of those requires me to remember where I am from and where I am going. In Islam, interactions with others is so important that if you're unjust to someone else, it can be your ticket to hell. So, I need to take care of my side of things. I need to make sure that I am being fair and assertive, but not aggressive. I need to make sure that I go down the most effective path, instead of the path that will make me feel better. So, even if it makes me feel temporarily better to scream my head off at that person, will it really make a difference? I need to think about the position of that person in my life, their personality, their situations.

I need to remember that we are all selfish in one way or another, and the best way to use our selfish nature is if we use it to be selfish about Jannah. I need to remember that I need to get there, and if someone hurts me, its only better for my hereafter. Some people desperately try to forgive others so that the other person's hereafter is intact, in the process of which go into a self-denying cycle of subconscious grudge, which might turn into some sort of action in the future that will end up ruining their own hereafter. So, remember to take care of your own survival first.

If you keep your own intentions and actions in check, and you remember that your ultimate goal is Jannah, nothing in the world can defy your happiness. If you really love that person, somewhere down the track, things will be fixed and you'll subconsciously forgive them.

(I hope the above will make sense to Future L.)

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