Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Physics Blues and Nostalgia

Did I mention I do not like physics at all? I failed every single physics test in year 11 and then finally dropped it in year 12. Yet, somehow, I ended up doing physics at university. Thankfully, tomorrow should be the last physics test I sit, ever. I am set on changing degrees next year. I have changed my mind about my career many times, but this is the first time I will turn a whole year of something into nothing (well, this happens to be the first time I was given that choice, I used to be in school before, all of which was compulsory, but anyway, that's beside the point.) The average career change in Australia is approximately five times. If you don't believe me, google it. And I guess I am not even 'in' a career yet. So, how should I label this? 'Discovering myself'? Figuring out my current life is too hard, so, finding an easier solution? Running away?

I think I like 'discovering myself' the best.

So, yesterday, I was studying physics with S and B. I realised, yet again, how much S has changed from that geeky little nerd I met in year 8. I used to hate her guts at times. But now, she has transformed into this beautiful, thoughtful girl. And B - she was always beautiful. Yesterday, I figured out that she is thoughtful too! After all that physics and chocolate, we went to have lunch, which lasted for quite a while. Half the time, the conversation was between S and B, and I was sitting there, thinking, wow! I am too young to talk about these things for real! I remember, sometime in year 8/9/10, we used to talk about what age we want to get married/who will be the first to get married/who will be the first to get a boyfriend/who will have an arranged marriage and who will marry after falling in love etc. None of us had boyfriends, and obviously, none of us were married. None of us had ever fallen in love. We used to tease each other about our crushes, but that was it. No further advances were made. And now - all of these things are becoming real. My friends are questioning their dreams.

So, I wrote a song. A very close friend of mine (neither S or B) fell in love once and fell out of it again. Our conversations, their doubts, my words of hope which work perfectly on me when I am not depressed over exams, Taylor Swift's interview on Ellen (I was watching it while having lunch! ie: legitimate break from studying) reminded me of that friend. This song is for her. Its very cliched, but thats what Taylor Swift does to you. I even have a tune in my head, which sounds country-ish, like TS's songs. That's quite depressing, since all of her tunes are similar, and she isn't even that talented. So if I am starting to sound like her in my head, neither am I. But I guess I already knew that. Argh, I'm going in circles again!

Verse 1:

Deleted every single email, every chat record,
Your number's no longer in my phone,
Unfriended you on Facebook, stopped following your twitter,
Every trace of you is gone.

Every SMS, words of love,
Broken innocence
Sent up above.
Staring at the sky,
From different time zones,
We never used to feel this alone.

Verse 2:

Yet, somehow you still exist in pages of my diary.
Cartoons, little drawings of you,
The gifts that you have given me are hidden in my drawer,
Along with the love letter too.

I guess I'm just confused,
Just feeling a little lonely today,
Its cloudy outside,
I'm feeling nostalgic,
There's a few things I'd like to say:


We were silly, irresponsible,
Wasted time in young emotions.
I knew it wouldn't last forever;
Still followed through those notions.
We talked for hours,
Stopped for minutes and
Thought you and I
would understand
each other.
No, it didn't last forever.

Verse 3:

When I first talked to you, I was confident you won't
Fall in love with any part of me,
So insecure, lacked self esteem all the way.
But yeah, I failed to see
What you saw in me.
And it was a shame that you failed to see it too,
What I saw in you.
So, just two little teens,
Making mistakes in every step, we were,
Went further in your dreams,
And turned it into my nightmare.


Verse 2 (first part)

Yet, somehow you still exist in pages of my diary.
Cartoons, little drawings of you,
The gifts that you have given me are hidden in my drawer,
Along with the love letter too.

1 comment: