Wiser?

One of my friends has wanted to become a teacher ever since I knew her. She did a few things to prepare for that and she always talked about the advantages of being a teacher. She’s a hard working fairly intelligent girl, so her HSC result was great! All was well until yesterday, when I found out that she is starting a Pharmacy degree this year. I was very, very confused. How can someone who’s so set on something change her mind so suddenly? But she’s not the only one. Many people are doing what they can instead of doing what they want. I guess its ok when you don’t know what you really want. But once you’re set on something for years and years, how can your decision change in just a few days?

My dad’s dentist called home today. She’s a very nice lady and we talked quite easily. Turns out I know her daughter, who had always wanted to be a dentist, and currently is in another country studying dentistry. Her parents tried to convince her to try something different, but she never gave up. I never really saw the girl as someone who’d chase after her dreams because they are solely her own. So as soon as I learnt this little fact about her, my respect for her grew ten folds. I want to be someone like that. I have a few goals in life that I want to achieve. They are not very strong, but I think they are getting stronger. I think I’m learning to ignore other people’s resisting opinions and go with my own. It’s taking time. I mean, I’m the youngest in the family and do make stupid decisions from time to time and have proven myself to be a total loser in the past, so those resistances are completely understandable. But I’m hoping that I can work my way out of it.

I figured people don’t trust immature people to be responsible human beings. Your level of maturity is your level of sensitivity to other people’s feelings. So, the more sensitive you are to others, the more mature you are, the more trusted you become. With that formula in mind, I’m trying to understand the people that are close to me. I am trying to tend to their needs and do little things for them that would make them happy. And I feel much closer to them and much less selfish. And it feels really good because it lets me know that I have control over my life. I guess this is the right time to find that out anyway. Teenage years are supposed to be erratic, immature and unbearable. And I guess a few of my teenage years did pass like that! Not sure if that’s a good thing or not, because that simultaneously makes me ‘normal’ and ‘ordinary’.

But anyway, I’m glad I realised that recently. Of course, I can’t always remember my theories. Sometimes I just feel like throwing everything up in the air, curling up with chocolate and depressing songs and crying. But I guess the only way to reduce that slowly is to keep the end goal in sight. Remember what I want from this life. And just work towards that.

Its hard to say I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep,

Because my dreams are bursting at the seams!