Friday, April 29, 2011

How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?

This morning, as I made a cup of coffee (quite elaborately, with my new frother), my mother gave me a mixed look of extreme love and a little sadness, and said, 'I worry about you. You don't take life seriously at all.'. That made me laugh and love her a little more. However, as I thought about it later (over the coffee), I realised she is right. I have these sudden bursts of energy when I feel like I want to accomplish great things in life and I dive right into it. A few days (or hours, or minutes) pass by and I lose half of my interest. I need a specific and a definite direction to my life.

I am experiencing a very beautiful set of moments now. Through my netted window, I can see the swaying yellowing leaves of the tree with bright red flowers. Through the yellowing leaves, I can see bits and pieces of the blue sky. The soundtrack to this moment is an acoustic cover of Bob Dylan's Blowin' in the Wind. This song is one of the soundtracks of Forrest Gump, and surprising yet true, I haven't seen the movie yet. However, I plan to do so in the next holidays, in a sleepover, with a box of chocolate. The way I see it, yes, I need to take life a little more seriously, but why take it too seriously? There will be plenty of time later to pay the bills, work because I have to, cook because there's no one else to do so, be responsible for more people than just myself. Not just later - from next week - uni is going to start again and I will be up to my neck with studies, teaching, people, 8-to-8 schedule etc etc etc. But, right now, I can just look at those yellow leaves and imagine the smell of sunlight without a worry. Alhamdulillah.

My sister told me something a very long time ago. Every person sees you through a window. It is often up to you to decide how wide you want to open those windows. Your family, or the closest people to you, the people who see you the most - have the biggest, clearest windows. Everyone else just looks on through tiny spaces. For example, some of my friends think I am extremely active, doing useful things all the time, I think logically and my life is almost perfect. Some other friends think I am sluggish, I waste a lot of time, I can get quite emotional and they thank God for not living my life. However, it is extremely hard to choose which friend to open your window wide for. One of my best friends just told me something the other day, something that she didn't tell me for a very long time, because she was afraid of how I would take it and what I would do with what I hear. Of course, the fact that she told me, pulled us together closer, but, it could have gone wrong. Moral of the story: Take care when opening windows. A dagger might fly through.

'Yes, how many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, how many years can some people exist
Before they are allowed to be free?
Yes, how many times can a man turn his head
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.'

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