Monday, November 16, 2009

When I sway, I sway easily

Its called ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ for a reason. Charlie merely observes everything that happens around him, most of which are depressing, disappointing turns our society has taken. There are no conclusions, only statements. It leaves one quite confused and wondering. I am about half way through the book and I honestly do not feel like reading any further. Charlie’s pathetic life in his pathetic world is depressing me. I hate the way fictional characters rule my mind so easily. It keeps happening over and over again, and I keep reminding myself to read/watch/listen to creations that would positively influence me in one way or another. Once I get into this cycle of reading/watching/listening-depression, it’s very hard to get out of. It doesn’t give me space to think because the thoughts of the characters fill my mind. From that point of view, they are no different to real people around me.

I get influenced by my friends beyond the extent of an average person. When I surround myself with innocence and wisdom, I can feel my soul automatically elevating in quality. When I am around people whose lives are covered in uncorrected mistakes, I can feel my soul slipping into blackness. Cynics may call this ‘naivety’ and ‘inability to accept modernity’. But I call it ‘human nature’.

That is the reason why I am not even considering taking Psychology in university. If you open up a door in front of me, and tell me its wrong to go down that path yet a lot of people have done so, I will probably end up trying it. So I try not to open up those unwanted doors. I try to stay ignorant of the thousands of invented mental diseases and challenges of ‘modernity’. Of course it doesn’t work all the time. I am quite immature and so I still haven’t learnt to deal with a lot of things I come across. I cannot accept them because I know they are wrong, yet I cannot reject them because of curiosity.

That’s why I love chivalry and protectiveness in men. I would rather let him firmly take my hand and lead me into happiness than walk beside him and walk through the wrong door. I would rather have him close all of those doors than letting me look through one. I would rather live on ‘wisdom is the refinding of innocence’ than ‘crash and burn’ all the time.

Tomorrow, I will pick up that beige book I wanted pick up for a long time. I will hold it close to my heart and read it with my heart. I will pay attention to every word. I will make sure that the best companion always stays my companion, inshaAllah.

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