Procrastination (Reminiscencing)

Prone to obsession of facebook and Dr Phil
Radiating stress, yet, having plenty of time to kill
Opening the fridge door and staring without reason
Creativity stemming out of place and out of season
Random acts of kindness has become your life story
And you've lost the motivation to fight for your glory
Sleep keeps alluring you to bed
There is nothing you would do instead
In moments of loneliness, you realise time's guile
Neither chocolate nor MSN can make you smile
ADD and numbness simultaneously overcome you
This overshadowing disease has caused you to eschew
In time, you will forget, and commit this sin again
Of trying to escape reality's pain
Not realising - all effort will fail in vain

16.10.09

Things I hate

1. Crying.
2. Headaches.
3. Mess.
4. Life.
5. Teeth.
6. The concept of money.
7. EVERYTHING!

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee at last.

I have been waiting for this day so long that its arrival is sort of an anti climax. All I feel is disoriented (again), sleepy and empty.

Not to worry. I shall go home and sleep. For about a week.

By the way, I was serious about looking for little kids to teach. If you know of any, please refer them to me or me to them. I love both kids and money.

And if anyone would like (to buy, possibly) my chemistry notes or english essays/analysis, please ask. I put a lot of effort in those and it would be a shame to burn them.

But economics is definitely going to be burnt!

From this moment, until the 16th, I cease to be and I refuse to be referred to as, 195****7.

Quick Updates

1. 7 days!
2. 'I just haven't met you yet' is stuck in my head, quite permanently.
3. Economics is still going right over my head.
4. I officially hate maths now. But if you know any little kids who want a tutor, I'm in! :D
5. I painted my toenails red today. AND its the first time I've ever painted my toenails. Its not as helpful as those chick flicks make it out to be.
6. I would like to watch An Education after HSC.

not my words

HSC: One of the most gruelling of any type of exam, by any standard. Taken in Australia, in the final year of schooling, the HSC determines your UAI, or University Admission Index, and subsequntly, your life.
The English exam(s) alone require the candidate to memorise 16 texts to quote from.

These exams have caused countless teenage suicides, and mass depression in adolescents, which causes excessive drinking and debauchery, and consequently, suspension, lowering the opportunity to learn and succed with this increddibly painful ordeal.

source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hsc

Disoriented

9 days till HSC starts.

22 days till HSC ends.

I think I forgot how to string more than a few lines together.

Current thoughts: I'm glad I kept writing through the crucial moments in my life. No matter how many people dislike these, I hope I would never delete posts. It reminds me of who I am.

Keep trying and keep praying!

Temporary death, waiting for you to save me, 5/11!

I have a runny nose, slight fever (in my opinion, not in anyone else's, unfortunately), knotty hair, bones that feel like they have both arthritis and osteoporosis, yellow eyes, an occasional cough, frequent sneezing, sweating and nausea. I also have less than 14 days till HSC.

From my list of things to do, I still haven't finished the analysis of At Mornington. Harwood feels like hard wood (a stole term from Aniqa)soaked in petrol. She's inviting me to set fire on everything that includes her name. Poetry is a wonderful expression of art, or would have been, if only we didn't have to analyse them so much for the Horrible Savage Creation.

This post is reminding me of Frankenstein. Another body part of the Horrible Savage Creation that I want to burn.

But thankfully, I can see the light at the end. Its less than a month away, waiting to sweep me off my feet and allow me to start to make history!

Convictions, Sharpnesses and Blehs

angered faces
Originally uploaded by Mirar_Mirror

Rimo says there's 21 days till doomsday.

Things I still need to do:
- Finish my analysis of At Mornington
- Takes notes on, start analysing AND finish analysing A Valediction, Sharpness of Death, Triste Triste
- Take notes on 3rd text for H&M essay and fix it up
- Fix up my pathetic story for paper 1
- A lot of Q 6&7s from maths extension 1
- A lot of papers for maths extension 2
- Go through the list of things to do for chem and actually do them
- Keep doing chem papers
- Go through everything for eco
- Get info on eco stats
- Re-write essay on China and memorise

All of these must be done in the next week. If M's predicted ATAR is 94-95, mine is not going to be higher.

People I do not want to disappoint: (Maybe its a bit too late, but working my backside off for the next 2 weeks might be worth a shot.)
- Ma
- Ma
- Ma
- Ma
- Ma
- Baba
- Steve
- Apuni and Bhaiyun

People whose smirks I would like to wipe off with a great ATAR:
- ******
- *****

But I think they'll get a better ATAR than me anyway.

Things I have to do after HSC:
- Lose 10 kgs
- Get a job and earn $$$
- Learn to drive
- Learn to cook, and bake more than just basic cakes
- Learn to sew
- Make video clips for my favourite songs that do not have video clips yet
- Take + edit photos to my heart's content
....
...
..

The list goes on.

I slept for about 13 hours yesterday.

Things I would like to change about myself:
- My inconsistency
- My lack of time management
- My lack of organisation
- My inability to hide my annoyance when needed

My mother is everything I'm not. I wouldn't like to change myself to completely be like her. I wish I had all the qualities that she has, AND all the good things I like about myself.

My graduation is on Friday. I will be graduating from high school. I will be beyond the boundaries and limitations of school. Yet I do not feel a thing. I just want to get this over and done with and get out of this place ASAP.

I just want to go home and eat.

Yes, today is one of those days. I think I am pms-ing. EVERYBODY is annoying me.

"You're in the hands of philosophers
who cut themselves, and bleed,
and know that knives are sharp,
but prove with complex logic
there's no such thing as sharpness."

I love making prank calls.

Another thing to do after HSC: BURN stuff.

I should go.

H.S.C

I'm. Just. So. Tired. Of. It. All.

I learnt the truth on the 17th

Yesterday may have been the night.

I woke up this morning and saw that everything was covered in mist. The sun was not as bright as it usually is. Its still quite a comfortable temperature. So yesterday may have been the night.

And I spent most of it sleeping.

I hate feeling regretful, yet I bring it upon me over and over again. HSC is only a month away now, yet I have so many things to do I doubt I'll be able to finish. I'm still wasting time. It'll hit me on the 16th of December. I know this for a fact but why am I still heedless to it?

দলা পাকানো কাগজ ও চুমোয় ভরা মগজ নিয়ে ঘুমোও,
মেঘের বেগে রেগে গিয়ে অসম্ভবের সম্ভাবনা ড্রিমাও,
তাও না হলে কাওকে বলে বিষন্নতার ছলে বসে ঝিমাও,
বা অন্য কিছু ধন্য করার আশায় মাথায় চিন্তা ঠাসা থামাও।

ইচ্ছে করছে বিষন্নতার ছলে বসে ঝিমাইতে। ধুর!

Despair

According to Rimo, I now have 38 days till HSC.

According to the blue Ramadan calendar on my wall, I have 7-8 days of Ramadan.

According to the ways of the world, I might not have a second more to live.

I must get back to 2001 extension 2 maths past paper. But here is one of my favourite songs:

Smile in the two- way mirror of my eyes
I put on my faith like I wear a disguise
You can’t see my soul
See the life that I live
Show you the mask of the best I can give
I’ve hid here afraid like a child behind.
Truth of my thoughts that clutter my mind.
What if you knew about all that I do?
Things that I think,
The me that is true.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would you closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

I’ve been looking for answers since becoming an adult
Not looking for dogma to live like a cult
I’ve been looking to live,
I’ve been living to find
Freedom from cages that limit my mind.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would you closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

Will I scare you, upset you, frustrate you, irate you?
Challenge a lifestyle or weaken your trust
Or will you see my efforts and my passionate sincerity
Would you see just a little of yourself in me
Will you take off your mask so we can both be free.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would you closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

Words flowing out like rain... from my overwhelmed brain

The Optus countdown timer that comes up when you type 'HSC Countdown' in Google tells me I have 36 days 18 hours 58 minutes and 33.. 32.. 31 (this is really scary) seconds left. Signing in to Facebook frequently reminds me that there are 19.. 18.. 17 days till the end of school. I have been telling myself that HSC is 'just a stepping stone to the rest of this life' - Ms Ackers' words of advice. I also realise that there are more important things in life, like having a good character and a strong personality. Yet, when all those reminders constantly hover on my face, its a little hard to do so. UMAT results should be coming out soon and deadlines for university application forms and scholarship forms are getting closer. I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I wish life would slow down a tad bit so that I can catch up.

In the midst of it all, Ramadan is passing incredibly fast. Today is already the 21st day and it feels like it only started. Eid would be on the Sunday or the Monday week. Before that, one of these days, contains the most blessed night of the year. I really hope I can get it. It's a chance to wipe the slate clean and start all over again. Maybe that'll be the night that'll speed me up so that I can keep up with life. My heart has long turned back towards the nitty gritties of the world, so the result of all the hard work to become a better person is slowly disintegrating. In the beginning of Ramadan, I felt that my perceptions are clearing. I could see this life on a holistic level and place all the pieces in their right places. I had my priorities set clearly and I attempted to stick to them. But right now, I feel far, far away from that peaceful place. I'm sinking again.

I think we are getting closer to the end. One of the signs is that days seem shorter and shorter because there are so many things to do. This is quite clearly evident. Here are some more:

Qiyamah will come when...

Hadhrat Abu Musa Ash'ari (R.A.) narrates that Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alayhii Wassallam) said, "Qiyamah will come...

When it will be regarded as a shame to act on Quranic injunctions. (quite obvious, no?)

When untrustworthy people will be regarded as trustworthy and the trustworthy will be regarded as untrustworthy. (people say this is the rule of the world!)

When it will be hot in winter. (I think we experienced it quite frequently this winter here in Australia)

When the length of days is stretched, i.e. a journey of a few days is covered in a matter of hours. (and it still seems so long!)

When orators and lecturers lie openly.

When people dispute over petty issues.

When women with children come displeased on account of them bearing offspring, and barren women remain happy on account of having no responsibility of offspring.

When oppression, jealousy, and greed become the order of the day.

When people blatantly follow their passions and whims.

When lies prevail over the truth.

When violence, bloodshed and anarchy become common.

When immorality overtakes shamelessness and is perpetrated publicly.

When legislation matters pertaining to Deen is handed over to the worst elements of the Ummat, and if people accept them and are satisfied with their findings, then such persons will not smell the fragrance of Jannat.

When the offspring become a cause of grief and anger (for their parents).

The following is part of a lengthy Hadith narrated by Hadhrat Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood (R.A.) when he inquired from Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam) about the Signs of Qiyamah. (The current world is unfortunate to have met all the requirements!

Music and musical instruments will be found in every home.

People will indulge in homosexuality.

There will be an abundance of illegitimate children.

There will be an abundance of critics, tale-carriers, back- biters and taunters in society.

People will establish ties with strangers and sever relations with their near and dear ones.

Hypocrites will be in control of the affairs of the community and evil, immoral people will be at the helm of business establishments.

The Masjid will be decorated, but the hearts of the people will be devoid of guidance.

The courtyards of Masjids will be built beautifully and high mimbars (pulpits) will be erected.

Gangsters and evil people will prevail.

Various wines will be consumed excessively.

I don't know how many of the 6,706,993,152 people in our world read my blog, or believe in what I say. We have become so cynical that it is almost impossible to just 'believe'. I wish things would change. I wish I was different. Different and strong.

Cliches (also called Chocolate Bars)

I want to sing and dance away on a moonlit night
I want to promise you that we would never ever fight
I wish we could lie on grass and stare up at the sky
And wipe away the tears if they challenged us to cry
I want to catch the raindrops with my berry flavoured lips
I wish we had a swimming pool for late night skinny dips.
We could shiver with mixed emotions under a billion stars
And pretend that our endless love was enough to stop all wars.
I wish we had a lot of money in our tiny hands
Then we could travel round the world and holiday on nice islands
And you could buy me the perfect white gold diamond ring
And I could believe I was queen and you were king.
Then we would never have to study chemistry or physics
We could defy the laws of gravity and live our life on tricks
I could rummage my own brain instead of copying Keats
And we would enjoy a cup of coffee in our personalised love seats.
All the people that keep telling us we are futureless losers
Can become confused, depressed, trashy, psychotic old boozers.
We could point at them and laugh because they would look like clowns.
And then get on a roller-coaster to feel life's ups and downs.
And everything that's uninvited could get stuffed in planet Mars
While we imagine the infinite ways our life could taste like chocolate bars.

---

I wrote this poem on the 11th of May, spontaneously, within about 20 minutes. That's why it sounds cheap and corny.



PS: I like my new layout.
PPS: There is 38 odd days till HSC.
PPPS: 'Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn' took a new meaning yesterday.
PPPPS: Who needs drugs if she had enough uppers and downers in her head?
PPPPPS: 09.09.09

4th of May - Taslima Nasreen and I

I wrote this post on 04/05/09, but never got around to posting it. I just read over it again and am fascinated by these thoughts. Why do I not contemplate on my own contemplation and implement changes in my life? :S

---




I’ve read about 30 pages of ‘Meyebela’ and I am already beginning to understand how dangerous Taslima Nasreen is. From the moment I started reading it, I loved her writing style – she uses simple words and relatable examples to create a very clear picture of her life. She makes insignificant events seem incredibly interesting. She builds up the characters gradually and gives them life with every word. Basically, she is one of those exceptionally talented writers who can imprison readers in their work of art.
She is also extremely ignorant. She makes simple observations about the things around her and comes to conclusion using solely her own opinion. As I was reading the autobiography, I knew something was wrong with it, but I could not place my finger on exactly what was wrong. B cleared the confusion. He said, creativity is great, but when a person can’t distinguish between creativity and reality, that is when the problem begins. In this case, using her own opinion to come to a conclusion may be very creative, but, she lacks factual information about very serious topics to actually deserve to come to a conclusion, thus, overlooking reality. She came from a very problematic family, which can spark a lot of character problems later in life. I was reading her book and subconsciously being very grateful for having such a close-knit, problem free family. Everyone in my family is very mature about life and considers all options before making drastic changes to themselves. So far, no one has made any changes too drastic; although I am sure we contemplated various things, various times. I am very lucky to be around people who consider the greater good before plunging towards immediate satisfaction. I also feel very sorry for her father. He came from a farmer’s family himself, and became a doctor, earned a lot of money after having hardship, and tried to provide the best for his children so that they would be successful in life. His stinginess was very normal, given his background. Yet, his children never appreciated what he did for them. I guess her mother was part of the wrong equation too; she often hid information from him and exemplified that to her children. It seems like they all hid a lot of things from each other and never communicated well. I am very, very glad that we communicate. I have seen so many relationships fall apart because of lack of a few exchange of words. Maybe that was the problem that triggered everything else in her life.
Steve was telling us to be grateful for what we have. I often forget that I have an amazing family, a healthy body and mind (mostly), some very respectable teachers, friends who I can lean on, a great education, more than enough food and water, a warm blanket, wardrobe full of clothes, Sydney’s million dollar sky to witness magnificent views everyday, an above average brain and Islam. Reading over that list again, I realised that this would probably be considered to be a perfect life by many. Then why am I not satisfied? I should be able to use all of those – everything I have to change the world to be a little better. My parents have seen hardship and gave us everything to not be hindered by poverty and lack of support in order to excel. It would be very ungrateful of me to just sit here and waste away my life. I always blame and joke about procrastination but it actually is becoming a real problem, when it should not even exist as a valid problem.

New Experiences (mostly within the past week)

1. Seeing a dead animal in the drain next to a main road, with hollow eyes.
2. Creating apple milkshake. Do NOT try at home.
3. Returning to facebook after 2 months.
4. Being able to save $17.10 without spending a cent in the process.
5. Walking around with a blanket.
6. Being 47 days away from the HSC.
7. Standing in the train all the way from Redfern to Blacktown.
8. Losing interest in MX.
9. Understanding every word of a British movie without subtitles.
10.Surprise virtual visit from Fran and Rimo.

I spent the past hour flicking through blogs I never knew existed. And realised that mine needs a makeover. You're right Fran, its way too pink. Year 8 outfits must be shed, and Year 12 must be donned. Whenever I can be bothered.

washing away the empty space in between my ears

I feel like I finished my HSC. I don’t feel like touching another text book, or picking up a pen to do past papers, or feeling stressed over not knowing what to expect in an upcoming test. I just want to spend the rest of my days doing what I did today, and some more. I want to watch a movie with my parents knowing, without feeling any guilt. I want to put on a CD and cook and clean at my pace, without constantly getting reminded that the only reason I am doing so is that it will help me concentrate better. I want to earn and spend like there is no tomorrow. Then sleep for a week.





Well that’s the aftermath of finishing trials – for which I studied so much less and stressed so much more than I expected to. I thought this year would be the making of me – the year I actually get into a healthy diet and exercise routine, lose weight, study consistently and basically learn to glide through life. Instead, it’s turning out to be one of the worst years – both emotionally and physically. Now I started to hate studying so much that even sorting through notes feel overwhelmingly difficult. I would like to think my brain isn’t deteriorating neither was it always non-existent, but that seems like the most plausible explanation for my lack of knowledge. Like, Right after my chemistry test, I was asked a question about the difference between a surfactant and an emulsifier, and I couldn’t answer correctly. Worst of all, I studied a bit of chemistry over the holidays and I thought I knew my concepts. So, in my head, I keep thinking I know stuff when in reality I clearly don’t. See what I mean?


I hate, absolutely loath studying for tests. I can’t handle stress. Another reason why I shouldn’t be a doctor. Or maybe another why I should be – so that I can learn to handle it. I think I still want to be a doctor, but I am feeling increasingly uncertain about it. I don’t know. The future seems so mysterious right now. I feel completely blind to anything beyond the Christmas holidays.


Talking about Christmas holidays – my extensive plan to enjoy it is getting more and more detailed every day. Among other lists, I have a list of ‘books to read’, ‘movies to watch’ as well as ‘ways to make money’ hidden somewhere, possibly between two economics texts books, which explains why I felt more sure about my holidays than the test next day the day before the economics exam. I am already making $4 every week, starting from last week. Its quite a downgrade from $50 for spending a similar amount of time working, but I feel so much better to get some sort of financial independence. At least I can pay Yara back for my pawpaw ointment with my own money!





Since I refuse to do anything that 18-year-olds are allowed to do, including drinking, gambling, drinking and gambling, buying spray paint and/or cigarettes and getting married without parents consent, and since I haven’t learnt to drive yet, I don’t really have much choice of entertainment in the outside world. So I decided to stay in and watch 3 movies – ‘All the Real Girls’, ‘Suddenly 30’ and ‘Notting Hill’. ‘Suddenly 30’ was a disappointment; I can’t believe I could only borrow four movies from the library and I borrowed that! I can’t even remember why I wanted to watch that it the first place! The only good thing about that movie was that the guy was cute in a dorky sort of way. Thankfully, the other two didn’t bring about so much regret. In fact, ‘All the Real Girls’ is probably one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Its one of those unconventional romantic films. Its set in North Carolina, one of the few places in America that I want to visit. The first time I read about NC was in Nicholas Spark’s books, possibly ‘Message in a Bottle’. The ocean seems like a beautiful place from there. Its about the way a guy changes for a girl who is really innocent compared to him, and whose brother is his best friend and extremely protective. All the families are troubled with different things, like the guy’s mother is single who works as a clown in a hospital and hates it and the girl’s little brother is mentally disabled. Then the girl goes away to a party one weekend and completely changes, and the guy becomes really angry. (I feel really stupid calling them ‘guy’ and ‘girl’, so I’ll just stop describing the movie. It’s good enough to watch.)
The theme song is 'Say Goodbye Good', which I liked when I was watching the movie. So I looked up the lyrics, and it doesn't make much sense to me.

Say good bye good - hey hey hey
we might not be fooling around today
if we go all the way - hey hey hey
all there is after us is the songs that we play
say good bye good - hey hey hey
all we've got is right now
if you're not going my way
my eyes are listening - hey hey hey
we might not mean anything that we'ld say
no no way, no way, we might not be fooling around today, no way, no way
trees have caught fire when your eyes lit up
the season's changed and the movie has stopped
frontlights are out, the curtains are drawn.
Now I was before our first days are gone
at the end of the song. so long.
we might not know what we've done so long - no no way
we might not be fooling around today.

‘Notting Hill’ was ok. Funny, as Hugh Grant always is. Cute, as Hugh Grant always is. And I loved the family. I haven’t finished watching it yet, but I think the ending would be quite predictable. It’s a boy meets girl type film, what else can you expect?

And then I learnt a better way to serve my cake – which I dubbed ‘Moon Cake’ (due to its extremely uneven surface, but heavenly taste!) - and fed it to three people in my family that way. And I cleaned the whole house listening to Anjan Datta’s CD – old songs I dug up and loved. He is similar to Kimya Dawson, Shahana Bajpai and Dawud Wharnsby Ali; his voice and words speak so much truth, especially his creative, random yet carefully chosen words.





Ramadan most probably starts on Saturday. I have been looking forward to this month so much, since I really feel like a bit of cleaning might stop me from having a spiritual heart attack. This year has been so full of internal emotional turmoil that I think it stuffed my system up. It’s amazing how we are given so many chances to rectify and redeem ourselves, and we mostly miss them. Baba was talking about galaxies last night. He said that there are 200 million galaxies that have been discovered. The smallest galaxy has 10 million stars, the largest has 1 trillion. Our galaxy – Milky Way is a pretty small one. Among the millions, the Sun is one small star. And around the sun, among all the other 8+ planets, Earth is a pretty small one too. And Australia is on one side of the world (according to English snobs), and Sydney is a little place on the edge of Australia. And I am an insignificant being in Sydney. Yet, I am given chances over and over again. Why do I keep missing them?


I am such a hopelessly hopeful loser!


p.s: I am quite curious (and excited for that matter, since I thought my world revolves around Sydney and Dhaka) to know who my Chicago, Illanois reader is! Who are you?

HSC thoughts #749

My trials start in 4 days. UMAT was crap. My brain wants to think about anything but studying. I am a HSC student. My life, currently, is supposed to be ALL about studying.

Pathetic.

But what isn't pathetic is this:

The blue sky is blue like blue bubble gum,
but it prays to Allah, it prays to Allah,
and like the flavour of the blue sky and the bubble gum won’t last,
so we’ve got to thank Allah before our chances go past.

I don’t wanna be a grown-up like the grown-ups I have seen,
`cause the grown-ups I have seen don’t seem to have much fun.
They don’t get down on the floor enough to pray or play with toys,
when I’m a grown-up, I won’t want to be one

Now, if I lived back at the time of the Prophet
I know that he would be different, I just know he’d find the time and
I would make him something, special like some paper planes or something,
I could race those planes with him or get a camel back ride.

I used to love this song when I was little. I haven't heard it for a looong long time. Now the only line i vaguely remember is 'the blue sky is blue like a blue bubblegum'.

Anything- anything can happen

UMAT in less than 24 hours.

:'(

You make life depressing, HSC.

I know I would not feel like this if I stop feeling merely stressed and actually study. And if I turn to God. I shouldn't be depressed. Its a disease that doesn't make sense.

Then why do I feel like I am becoming overcome by darkness?

6 Things I hate about YOU!

I know, I know. I'm not supposed to post until the 5th of November. But there are several reasons why this post doesn't count.
a) I need to vent. (note the urgency)
b) I am not studying anyway. So the whole purpose of giving up blogging has been defied.
I rest my case.

Disclaimer: The 'you' does not refer to a particular person. This is the top six things that I can't stand in other people. If you are guilty of any of these: STAY AWAY! I am sure there are people in the world without these qualities whom I can mingle with. Alternatively, you can try to change.

1. Hypocrisy (Self explanatory)
2. Cowardliness (Especially in guys! I think its because all the men that I respect and admire, such as my dad, brother, Steve, are not cowards. Chivalry is dead in our society, but my expectations are set high by the chivalrous men around me. I can't, absolutely cannot respect a male person if he is a coward.)
3. Careless use of words (includes lying, bitching, bitching and lying simultaneously, inconsistancy in words and action, excessive appraisal without believing in the praises)
4. Selfishness (I am quite selfish myself, so I guess its not fair to be irritated by selfish people. But because I am selfish, another selfish person in my surroundings will bring about fights and lead to hatred. If you want to avoid hatred, and you are an extremely selfish person, keep a distance please!)
5. Egotism, in males and females alike
6. Self-pitying

There you go, if you know that you are a 'YOU', you know why I have been so distant to you. Ever since I found out you had one of these, I've been trying to restrain myself from hitting you over the head with the nearest heaviest thing.