And if you're yellow, don't stress*

*Not a racist remark. Scroll down for details.

I bought four rechargeable batteries in order to bring my camera back to life. It has lain lifelessly on my shelf for way too long, while autumn colours are getting a little different every single day. When I saw CJ's autumn album, it just made my urge to capture the colours stronger and stronger. I told him I'd steal his idea, however, I haven't yet gotten a chance to do so. The batteries were brought home, yet, the charger is nowhere to be seen. Now I am stuck with four useless batteries and twenty three dollars and ninety-nine cents less from my bank account.

I talked to Emu after a very long time last night. She has been working like crazy, and here I was, thinking something major has happened in her life. A similar dramatisation happened with Mis Worshipper too. I was on the phone with her, and suddenly, everything was quiet. I was frantically and urgently 'hello'-ing into the phone, only to be met with silence. A serious of scenarios flashed through my mind, some of them quite morbid I must admit. Turned out that there was a connection problem and she could hear me just fine. :|

I had this long standing argument that I can do whatever with my life because it is mine. It had added details like - I love the little things in life, therefore, if I feel like just staying in bed and watching the sky all day long, I am allowed to do so. However, I am increasingly realising that this logic is flawed. Due to my (over)commitments, I cannot ignore people for too long. I made a list of commitments that I need to keep myself updated in. Then I realised I missed one. The list has gotten too long for me to even remember what things should go in there! So, currently, I cannot really do whatever I want with my life. I must share it with the zillion other people I have given my promise to. For example, today. Its a cloudy, windy day; beautifully vibrant red flowers have bloomed in my bolding tree. Most of the leaves have turned yellow, some are still green, while some have already fallen to the ground in their brownness. I would love to just stay in bed, underneath my blanket, listening to the wind and watching it work. Yet, I have a student to tutor today, for which I must leave soon and return at night. As much as I love teaching, I wish there was some way of doing so whenever I want without causing discomfort to others. (I'm asking for heaven on earth, am I not?)

This also led me to accept the fact that my logic of 'I have time to procrastinate therefore I have time for more productivity in my life' is also flawed. No matter how much I pile on, I always seem to find time to procrastinate. Therefore, next time I decide to commit myself to something, I probably need to take into my commitment to procrastination.

Good news for all those concerned about my coffee consumption - I decided to slow it a little. Although, I do stick by my judgement that I was not consuming coffee of a dangerous degree, which could classify me as an 'addict' and would require me to seek serious help (contrary to what my mother believes). I decided that I will not buy or make coffee for myself unless absolutely necessary, such as, studying in the library for a whole day after a sleepless night.

Food for thought - why do R&B singers have beautiful soft voices that sound so warm and protective, yet, sing about shocking ways of degrading women, and refer to them by (many names, but the most polite one is) 'shorty'? The worst part is when girls actually like such a thing! Its one thing to have an embarrassing personal preference (which is sick too anyway), however, it is a completely different thing to make this degradation a public knowledge and a thing to be proud of. I was so traumatised today that I had to listen to Aicha. Haven't heard this song in a while. I remember when I was crazy about Outlandish - I was 15/16ish. I was obsessed with Europe, and I really, really loved the way the guy says 'ecoute moi'. It lasts for exactly two seconds, yet, that was the best part of the whole four minute video. Now that I listen to the song again, I can find a million details that annoy me about it. For example, what's with the curry guy throwing random phrases here and there? I really don't understand his role in the band. And the white cloth on top of Isam's head near the end of the video reminds me of one of our table cloths. However, it still brings back memories. I listened to this song from my parent's bedroom, which always smelled like Beli Ful (Not sure what the English name for this flower is). Whenever I smell beli ful, my heart races. Even though every association of a racing heart that I had with those flowers have been destroyed a very long time ago. Ah, I miss my innocence of that age!

Here's something to lighten up your mind/mood/day. Boys, all hope is not lost. :) (As long as you have an MBA. :P)